Hope is alive!

I was at home getting ready to go to work yesterday morning when I got a knock at my door. Through the peek hole I recognized the tall, slender guy and the way he shifted his weight back and forth. It was Kevin and I hadn't seen him in a very long time.

I met Kevin when he was probably 15 or 16. I don't even remember how or why. Maybe he and his friends came to church a few times. He came in and out of my life for various reasons. His entire family is/was caught up in drugs. When he was around 17, I tried to get he and his cousin re-enrolled in school because they had moved and his sister, who was his guardian, was too hooked on drugs to care if they got back in school or not. Kevin explained to me that 22 people lived in their economy apartment. At 6'1", his bed was the bathtub.

He ended up dropping out of school.

I lost track of him again until he was caught and charged with possession, or something to that effect. He went to jail for a while. He got out. He messed up again. He went back to jail. He got out...this time with 10 years probation, a lot of probation fees, and an assignment to a treatment center.

I remember driving him to the treatment center. I'll never forget our conversation. As we talked about what he needed to do to make his life different he explained with a sense of resignation and defeat, "Janet, drugs are all I've known since I was 6 months old!"

He completed the treatment center, but ended up back in the system...this time prison...only months later. He served his time from 2002-2004. So he's been out for 3 years now. Every once in a while I wonder how he's doing. I know the rest of his family hasn't changed. His sister is still strung out and his cousins still sell.

As I invited him into my house, he offered me a hug and then sat down in the living room to tell me what he's been up to. Last time we talked, he had gotten a job at Walmart. He still has that job. It's been almost a year now and in a few more weeks he will be up for his first vacation. He explained that he is now making $9.45 and hour...up from the $8 something he started at. You could tell he was very proud of his incremental raises over the last year. He is now "off papers"...meaning he no longer has to make regular visits to his parole officer.

Kevin explained to me that each time he went back to jail or prison he truly wanted to do the right thing when he got out. But going back to his family...the people he knows best...always landed him in trouble. It takes a lot of courage to figure out how to break free from that. He is working to change his reality:

In 2000, 65 percent of black male high school dropouts in their 20s were jobless - unable to find work, not seeking it or incarcerated.

By 2004, the share had grown to 72 percent, compared with 34 percent of white dropouts and 19 percent of Hispanic dropouts.

Even when high school graduates were included, half of black men in their 20s were jobless in 2004, up from 46 percent in 2000.

Incarceration rates climbed in the 1990s and reached historic highs in the last few years. In 1995, 16 percent of black men in their 20s who did not attend college were in jail or prison; by 2004, 21 percent were incarcerated. By their mid-30s, 6 in 10 black men who dropped out of school have spent time in prison.

In the inner cities, more than half of all black men do not finish high school.

Kevin is 27 years old. He is right in the age range for all of those statistics. He's still got a long, tough road ahead, but so far he's on the right path and he's doing a great job.

Who matters?

Warning: The information in this post may be a little much for most people to handle--especially those who are family or who have stayed with me or visited me. If you already have preconceived notions about the inner city or if you intend to develop a fear of my neighborhood or the people in it, please do not read any further. I do not want you to reinforce your preconceived notions.

I read a report in the newspaper yesterday. I never read the newspaper. It was a small, last minute paragraph telling about news that probably came in after the deadlines. It said a passenger in a car had been shot in the face when the car had stopped to ask directions. The street name caught my eye. I knew the address. I recognized the street name of where they drove to call for help.

It concerned me.

I re-read the paragraph several times thinking, "Wow. So many things have happened over the past couple of years around here. Have I been oblivious to the type of neighborhood I live in or has crime gotten worse??" Because of the brazen nature of the crime, it bothered me a little bit about my neighborhood and made me think about being more careful.

I had nearly forgotten about it until this afternoon. One of my friends came up and told me that Tim* was the person that shot the man. My heart immediately got heavy. What is really probably a little bit twisted on my part is that the fact that I knew who shot the man somewhat relieved me. I know Tim so I know (or am pretty confident that I know) that Tim would never hurt me. But, I wondered, what in the world ran through his mind to cause him to pull out his gun and shoot a man who was simply asking for directions???

I always hesitate in writing about stuff like this because I know that this is exactly the type of thing that most people expect from the inner city: It's all about violence...There are a bunch of crazy people there and you never know what might happen to you. I know people think that. I've heard the way people talk. The inner city is so much more than that...and that's what I want people to see.

But, the truth of the matter is that things like this *do* happen.

What I wish we would focus on instead of the fear, however, is the concern for people like Tim. What has happened throughout Tim's life that has gotten him to this point? What needs to happen in this neighborhood to provide enough hope so that people don't want to do those things? What is it that makes someone so angry and hardened that they can take someone else's life and not feel immediate remorse? What is it that creates that "eye-for-an-eye" mentality instead of "turn the other cheek?" And WHY AREN'T MORE PEOPLE ASKING THESE QUESTIONS??????

In the past, something like this would have made me cry. I don't have as many tears anymore. Perhaps that says something about my own hardened outlook on life. I am still sad for Tim. But I am more concerned and saddened that I live in a society that doesn't ask the questions that will prevent there being more Tim's in the future. I live in a society that thinks if they live far enough away from neighborhoods like Tim's, they can isolate themselves and their children from the Tim's of the world.

Perhaps that's what the man in the car thought...until he accidentally drove through the "wrong" neighborhood. Then, all of a sudden, the Tim's...and what they did or didn't get in life...mattered to him.

*not his real name

Seeking black votes

In this early race for president, it's already happening. Candidates are vying for supporters. It happens every election. Candidates seek votes.

Think about that for a minute. Don't you always hear that come election time? Candidates are seeking the "black vote." What does that mean?? From what I can tell, it means that the candidates go into black communities and black churches during the election period. They try to get on the dockets to speak at different community events in these arenas. They usually succeed.

But what does that mean once they get into office?

I hear a lot about politicians seeking the black vote but I don't hear a lot about them seeking the black voice. To me, if you are seeking my vote, you need to know what I think about things...not the other way around. If I'm Black, I don't need a politician coming in only during election time to attend my church, clap their hands and sway to my music, ask for my support, then leave and continue with their agenda and nothing changes to benefit my community. That's pimping a community.

And people wonder why certain people are leery of and have no faith in the political system!

A life lost...A life gained

Friday was tough. Pregnancy complications for one of our 19-year olds. She has sickle cell anemia. Even without the pregnancy, she deals with complications on a fairly regular basis. A sickle cell crisis (even when she's not pregnant) may send her to the hospital where she has stayed for a month or more at times.

But this was different. She's pregnant. In addition to the sickle cell, she was dealing with pre-eclampsia. The baby wasn't growing and her blood pressure was staying around 160/100.

When I visited her in the morning, she explained the situation. They couldn't seem to get her blood pressure under control. "They may need to take the baby," she explained. She's only 23 weeks along. The doctor said he needed to talk to the team.

Unsure of what was going to happen and how quickly they would make their decision, I went ahead and left...only to get a phone call about an hour later from a wavering and teary voice saying they were going to take the baby.

I raced back to the hospital for moral support.

This pregnancy has been hard for me. The teenagers have listened to me discourage thoughtless, unplanned pregnancies for a long time. This one was particularly difficult because I have watched this teenager grow up and have watched her make such great progress and turn-arounds as she has gotten older. This decision...and her choice of a father for her child...made me wonder if her progress was taking a u-turn. The father's absence and lack of demonstrated concern throughout her hospital stays told me she was already becoming a single mom.

As I drove to the hospital and arrived at her room for the second time that day...despite my frustration and sadness over all of the choices I had seen her make recently...I came to a few different conclusions. Though I plan to continue to explain to teenagers that certain choices we make can cause our life to be way more difficult than it needs to be, I also realize that all of us make wrong choices. We all suffer the consequences of our choices...some are just more visible to the public than others. Sometimes...maybe more frequently than we realize...I think the Lord allows us grace and blessing through our choices--even the bad ones.

During this pregnancy, throughout the testing, not only did she have pre-eclampsia, they also found out she had pre-cancerous cells. Though they could do nothing about that while she was pregnant, they now know it exists and can deal with it in it's early stages.

What I have been so consumed with as such a negative may end up having a positive outcome. It may save her life.

I thank God that He offers grace and mercy despite my judgment calls.

"You have people?! I want people!"

There's an H&R Block commercial... As the mail carrier delivers the mail, a homeowner asks him if he has to mail in his taxes since he's a mail carrier. The man responds, "I have people." To which the homeowner replies, "You have people?! I want people!"

Don't we all? We know if we "have people"...people with money...people with power...people with influence... people with more education... things get done. It's all about who you know.

But isn't our real desire to not just *have* people, but to *be* people??

In low-income communities you often have to have "people" for basic services to get done. Apartment repairs are slow, principals/teachers are too busy, streets have no drainage, police respond hours after the 9-1-1 call....until someone [with money, power, education, and possibly a well-known name] steps in.

Why can't people be enough just because of who they are...a parent...a concerned citizen...a frustrated citizen lacking basic city services?

It frustrates me.

I have noticed over the years that people with less education, less money, less power, speak up less. Not because they have anything less to say....not because they are any less intelligent...but often because they don't get listened to.


Who do you listen to?

Do you take time to listen to the opinions of people who look different than you...make less than you...work for you...have a job that society deems as not as important? Or...do you brush people aside...maybe unintentionally...unless they strike you as "important?"

Isn't it nice to know that when you speak, people listen? When other people speak, do you listen?

Children see. Children do.

Isn't is so true that kids mimick everything we do? Just this past Sunday Cori (I think he's about 5 years old) was sitting by me in church. In an attempt to entertain him and keep him quiet, I was doing things like writing names on the paper that he could copy, making ships and hats out of paper, etc.

Out of habit, I wrote my name and underlined it. I had also written Cori's name as well (without the underline). I handed him the paper to write for a while. Tiffany (a college student) was sitting on the other side of me. She nudged me to point out that as soon as Cori had added his last name to the page, he went back and underlined his name just like I had. His actions were real subtle, but it was obvious that he was trying to be just like me. He then took a paper and, once again, very subtly, began trying to fold the paper in the same way I had. He never asked me any questions. It was just obvious that he was really thinking hard about how I had folded my paper and made it into a boat.

Kids and teens watch what we do...whether we want to believe it or not. They see us when we least expect it. Are we expecting as much out of ourselves as we do of them? What are we teaching them...through our actions and our words?

Are we walking our talk??

Sticks and stones may break my bones....

What do the symbols of our past represent?

Do they mean anything to today's generation?

Should they?

I watched a news report tonight about two White girls in Burleson, TX who took confederate flag purses to school and chose to leave school rather than surrender their purses to the principal. The reasoning? They say it's their southern heritage and their right of free speech to carry the purses. On the flip side, I have some Black friends who use the "n" word in their regular conversation and feel just as strongly about their right to use that in their speech.

Should both acts be acceptable? Should both be unacceptable? Is it a matter of free speech? Does it matter anymore what those symbols represented in the past? Or is the meaning so far removed that it is insignificant for today's time?

Quite honestly, as a young child growing up in western Kansas and rural Missouri I never realized what the confederate flag represented. I watched the Dukes of Hazard and never thought twice about the flag on the "General Lee" car that they drove.

It wasn't until college that I became interested in the Civil Rights movement. Learning that part of our history, combined with some newly-formed friendships, helped me to understand the hate that the confederate flag symbolizes for African Americans and the fear that goes along with it. Now that I'm aware of that, it makes me shudder every time I drive through northern Arkansas and see the little store on the corner proudly displaying it's confederate flags for sale.

Do we need to forget what those symbols represented in the past so we can move forward? Is it too complicated to try to create awareness about what these symbols used to represent and how that hurt and fear still lingers today? Is free speech a right no matter what it means to others? Or, should we work toward educating ourselves, understanding each other, and being sensitive to how those words, actions, and symbols affect others...whether we are Black or White?

Teen Pregnancy

It makes me sad, but I don't know what to do about it. I know a girl who is 18 and pregnant, 14 and pregnant, and then I was just informed that another friend's son (also 14) is now going to be a daddy. Forgive me for being judgmental, but from what I know about each of their situations, none of them is prepared for this. Or, to be less judgmental, I guess I could accurately say that none of them prepared for this moment...for the life of a child...for how they were going to ensure a good future for their child.

Where are we failing our children?

Is it what they see on television and the graphic nature of the songs on the radio? (they surely can't be helping matters!)

Is it the parents? Are they not involved enough with their kids to either know what's going on or to stand up to their kids to say, "No!" to some of their behaviors?

Is it society in general? Do the kids recognize that we don't value them by the way we place the least amount of resources in the schools and put the least experienced teachers in the schools that need the most experienced teachers?

Is it the fact that we are unwilling to talk about and educate about sexual behaviors and be realistic about the consequences of those behaviors? Do we hope that by not talking about it kids won't participate in risky behaviors?

What do we need to do? In answer to some of the above questions, I know parents, mentors, and friends ARE addressing some of those issues head on and it's still happening.

How do we provide hope to the kids so that they can see further down the line?

How do we provide them with enough courage (and information) to either stay abstinent or protect themselves correctly?

It's heartbreaking to me. It's frustrating. I know the teenagers who have kids must go through a lot more stress than they let on when they are giggling, making jokes, and bragging to their friends about the fact that they are having a child. I know that they learn a lot of lessons in the process.

Some do a great job buckling down and making sure their child(ren) get every opportunity they need to be successful despite the odds against them. Others love their babies dearly, but don't offer the discipline or structure that a child needs...maybe because they don't know how and maybe because they're too busy trying to stay in their own childhood.

I'm not sure what goes on in all of their heads before, during, or after the child arrives. I do know we've got a lot of work to do. The teens who have made good choices and are now in college or working stable jobs insist that we're the adults, we're the mentors, we just need to keep talking because they really do listen to us.

But what about the teens who are making choices to be in risky situations? What do they need? I wish they could tell us what would work for them.

Being Black affects your education

Researchers from Princeton University and the University of Pennsylvania have discovered that first or second generation immigrants comprise a disproportionately high percentage of the Black student population at U.S. universities--especially private universities.

"In the Ivy League, more than 40 percent of the Black population is of immigrant origin, despite comprising just 13 percent of the Black population overall."

The percentage of immigrant Black students is also shown to be higher at the more selective schools.

In their study, there were few differences between Black immigrants and Black natives in regard to social and economic origins. However, "Black immigrant fathers were far more likely to have graduated from college than native fathers, reflecting the fact that Africans and Afro-Caribbeans are the most educated immigrant group, with many originally coming to the Unites States to pursue a degree." ...which leads one to assume that the immigrant children may have had more access to a higher quality of education and environment to begin with.

Knowing this, and thinking about it in terms of affirmative action, is affirmative action really benefitting the people it was originally designed for?

More importantly, though, once Black immigrants were enrolled at the college or university, they performed no better than their native counterparts, "implying that the factors influencing the performance of Black students in higher education affect immigrants and natives alike."

Although it is somewhat disconcerting that affirmative action may not be benefitting the people it was set out for, more troublesome is the fact that if you are Black, whether you are native or of immigrant origin, something is happening that depresses Black academic performance below that of Whites with similar characteristics.

We've come a long way baby...or have we???

Is racism really still an issue today?

Many people I know and have met get really uncomfortable when I talk about "racism." In fact, as I write this, I realize I haven't really talked about it directly in a long time.

Why is that?

I know why. I remember when I started toning down my conversation on racism. It was last year after I led an Urban Experience group. Our week seemed to be going pretty well until Thursday when I had an African American male speak on racism that he experiences. He did a great job. He spoke about how he does small things to protect his son from racism and talked a little about ways he has experienced, and still experiences, racism. I don't remember his exact points, but he was not emotionally charged as he spoke. He simply stated his experiences.

Several people in the group were very upset after his talk. One lady left in tears. One lady tried to convince me that their church was very diverse and that their children were already exposed to plenty of diversity. That was interesting to me considering that the group who came (that I would assume was representative of their church and youth group) was all White. As a result of their frustration, though, I felt like we ended up having some good dialogue about the issue. I thought we had resolved the frustration and I was excited about the possibilities for growth. To me, it's about starting...and continuing...the conversation....a conversation that is not held often enough.

Unfortunately, I have not heard from the group since.

Ever since then, I have worked toward changing my approach. Perhaps people aren't ready to talk about racism. Maybe my approach is too abrupt. Maybe I'm taking the issue too far and making a big deal out of nothing. Ever since that group, I have focused more on the issues around poverty. It's a lot more comfortable for [White] people to deal with and maybe it will at least help lead them to eventually consider racism.

But then I received this video...Young student's documentary leaving audiences stunned.

Please watch it all the way through. It is a powerful replication of an experiment done in 1954.

I was somewhat surprised by the results of the student's documentary...well, maybe not surprised by the results. Sadly, I think it was more a feeling of validation knowing that I'm not crazy. I've been in a situation where a 9-year old child told me they loved me..."because I'm supposed to," she explained. "You're White...and Jesus is White so I'm supposed to love you."

There have been several times (such as the Urban Experience moment) that [White] people have convinced me that I'm too "in your face" about the subject. But just about the time I try to re-adjust my approach, something like this video comes to my attention and I realize that brushing the subject under the rug so that people don't have to feel uncomfortable is not the solution. Though softening the topic may make it easier for White people to swallow, it is not helping change the reality that the majority of Black (and I would guess Brown and White as well) children do not see people of color in a positive light.

Of course it is easy for us to look back now and talk about how racist times were in the 1950s and how the racism back then was the catalyst that led to the low self-esteem and low self-image of the African American child. What is the catalyst that causes the same outcomes in 2007? And why do we continue to sit back as if it doesn't exist or isn't important?