Community Hunger Day

I committed to Community Hunger Day this week.

The goal was to go without food for a day and, while doing so, reflect on the situation of our many friends and neighbors who often go hungry.

I wasn't too excited about going without food (I really like food and I don't like being hungry). I also was a little concerned because Community Hunger Day was on a Wednesday. My biggest workout of the week is on Wednesday nights. It's a class that I attend so I have no control on how long it lasts or how hard the workout is.

I've often thought that working out would be hard on an empty stomach...and I don't understand how we can expect poor people to have this holistic view of health when there are so many other factors that prevent them from being healthy.


So, as I thought about it, my mind said, "I could skip the Wednesday night class since I won't have eaten." That didn't seem fair. If my goal was to reflect on the difficulties of poverty, I needed to try to go about life as usual and see how it affects me.

At about 10:00 p.m. the night before Community Hunger Day, I realized I hadn't eaten dinner. Thinking that my fast would be much more challenging if I hadn't eaten since 1:00 the day before, I hurried to grab a banana and peanut butter before going to bed (which isn't real either, considering that many people don't get to choose to eat something before they decidedly go hungry).

The next morning I went ahead and had my two cups of coffee, but no other breakfast. By about 11:00, my stomach was growling and I kept almost getting up from the computer to go find something to eat. By about 3:00, I had settled into work and had kind of let the hunger go because of the many other things I had to do. At 6:30, I left for my martial arts class.

Once in class, I was fine for about the first 30 minutes. Martial arts takes a lot of concentration. As I worked on my forms, my mind wandered. I kept thinking about how hungry I was and hoping that class would be over early so I could go home, go to bed, and forget about being hungry until the morning when I could wake up and eat.

After about 45 minutes of working on forms, I was placed on the mat with a higher ranking belt to practice sparring. Of all nights, I was left on that mat to spar for about 45 minutes...an extremely long time that takes an enormous amount of energy. I was completely zapped by the time we were told to stop. I thought sure the class would be over by then, but it wasn't. We then began working on a drill that I thought I would get left out of because I had been sparring for so long. However, luck wasn't on my side that night. I continued to have to expend energy on drills that weren't normally that difficult, but without any food in my stomach had become very physically and mentally challenging. I kept hoping, praying, pleading in my mind that he would end the class, but no such luck. Of all nights, our class went on for 3 1/2 hours! Toward the end, I had finally gotten to the point where I felt dizzy and weak to the point I couldn't stand. I'm guessing my body could only afford to expend so many calories without taking some in. Three times, I had to sit off to the side to recover.

On the way home, I had to break my fast. I had absolutely no energy and was feeling pretty sick. I stopped at a gas station to pick up a protein bar. Sure enough, just that small snack made me feel much better.

The next morning I woke up and couldn't wait to eat something. I started thinking about how I could eat more because I had eaten nothing the day before. I had to straighten myself out a few times as I told myself that eating more today wasn't going to help anything. Eating regular portion sizes would be just fine.

It made me think about kids and families I know who seem to way overeat every time they get a plate of food. I had just watched a young boy come into one of our gatherings at CityWalk and refill his plate three times, heaping over each time. I wondered if he might have been like me...thinking he might as well take advantage of having food while it's there...even if it doesn't fix yesterday and won't keep you full until tomorrow.

It wasn't a fun day for me and has made me completely hesitant about signing up for the Food Stamp Challenge after watching the FoodStamped documentary. Going hungry for a day or living on a food stamp allocation for a week and professing that I now know what that's like seems like it could be a little insulting to someone who has to deal with hunger on a regular basis. Hunger is a on-going problem that needs to be solved systemically so that my annual hunger fasts aren't a slap in the face to my friends and neighbors who don't have the luxury of only fasting one day out of the year.

(You can check out a petition generated by the FoodStamped people here)

What's in your community?

I forget how easy it is to do a good deed. And I forget how meaningful those good deeds can be.

Last night we had our monthly Parent Academy. Soup and sandwiches are provided through an organization that comes each week. We try to over-estimate our numbers so that we are sure to have food for everyone. Last night we had an over-abundance of leftovers. Mostly soup and bananas.

By about 8:30 when the meeting was over, I was ready to go home. Though I *hate* to waste food, I was about resigned to throwing the soup in the trash when Tameshia wondered aloud if there would be any homeless shelter open to take it to.

Duh! Why didn't I think of that?!

Before I moved to Dallas, I was very involved with the homeless. I worked at a cafe breakfast program designed for formerly homeless addicts in Chicago and then worked at a homeless shelter in Boston. As I walked and caught the bus to work, I made friends with the homeless men asking for change or selling newspapers. I always enjoyed what I learned from them.

One of the guys in Boston, who stationed himself right outside of Mass General hospital, informed me that people would walk right past him without ever even looking at him until one of the doctors (who had become a friend of his) would stop and talk to him. He told me people would literally go around the corner then turn around and come back to give him money if the doctor was standing by him.

So, when Tameshia suggested that, I thought of the places I know. I thought of the Dallas International Street Church because of a friend who volunteers there and because of some minor involvement I've had there.

So, we headed that direction. I called my friend, Karen, to make sure it would be ok to take food that late at night. She assured me it would and told me who to connect with once there.

Just as she said, church services were in progress. Several men were sitting around out front, while others were walking in and out of a building beside the church. It was dark and the street where the church is located is not necessarily the best neighborhood to be in.

It's interesting to me how darkness and run-down buildings can make everything seem so scary. Because the man I approached had absolutely no threatening factor about him. As I asked my questions, he immediately guided me in the right direction, sending me to another man by an open door. As he saw the man we needed to speak to, he called out to him. Barry and a young teenage boy came over to the car to pick up the soup.

Each gentleman thanked us in a very gracious way that wasn't over-done or under-appreciated. They took the soup and bananas and returned to the building.

I am reminded how much perfectly good food goes to waste when people right down the street are hungry. And tonight I was reminded of how easy it is to do good if I simply get outside of my every day routine and think outside of that box.

Food insecurity...what about the children

Yesterday, in the After-School Academy, Sam* (not his real name) pulled me aside after the program and asked for the left-over snacks. Because I'm such a rule-follower and the state says we can only serve snacks for a certain time period...and we can only serve one snack per child, I told him we couldn't give him the extra snacks. As he puffed his lip out and stomped off saying, "But I'm still hungry," I wondered if there was something more to the story.

Every day Sam attends the school's after school program, then comes to us. By the time he gets to us, he misses the snack...but he always asks for it. I began to think there was something more to Sam's request.

I called him to the side and quietly asked him if they had enough food in the house. "When my mama gets her check, we do," he explained. He wasn't sure when the next check was coming. With at least three other kids in the house, I knew one extra snack wasn't going to help. As I talked to Sam, I asked him if his mother would be mad that he told me. He shook his head no. I asked if I could talk to his mom. He said yes. Sam and his two brothers and sister ran home with the rest of the kids.

After all of the kids left, I went to Sam's house with thoughts of getting into our food pantry after hours and getting them some food...or letting his mom know so that she could go herself.

Sam came to the door, munching on a sandwich. He barely cracked the door open. He quickly explained, "My mom's not here." He no longer had the cute smile he couldn't help flashing at the After-School Academy. I asked when she would be back. He said he didn't know, then closed the door. I asked him to open the door again. I asked if he had what he needed. "I have a sandwich. I'm fine."

I felt (and still feel) horrible. I should have just given him the snack he asked for.

I don't know what happened in the 30 minutes between the time that I talked to Sam at the After-School Academy and after he got home, but I believe in my intent to help I messed up. I know from experience that a white lady walking up to an unknown door causes people to question, "What did you do?!"...or it could be CPS...but it's not usually anything good. I'm guessing that's what Sam figured out on his way home and chose not to risk his mom's embarrassment or anger that he had told someone he was hungry.

It makes me think about kids who never told me about their struggles and their hunger until they were adults. ...good kids who found ways of survival--sometimes community programs, sometimes stealing, but always too embarrassed to admit their family's inadequacies.

I went back to the After-School Academy to explain the situation to our other staff members in hopes of figuring out what we could do.

We talked about sticking extra snacks or food into his backpack...but then decided that could get the him in trouble...and could potentially cause every other kid to begin asking for food to take home. We wanted to figure out a way that wouldn't single his family out...and could also potentially help other families in similar situations as well.

We finally thought about CDM's Hunger Busters program, offered at the community recreation center on Mondays and Thursdays...and I became very thankful that Central Dallas has such a variety of programs and partnerships to which we can connect--programs that allow us a little more freedom to make exceptions when needed.

Starting Monday, we will begin working to figure out how to incorporate Hunger Busters into our regular programming at the After-School Academy so that no one is singled out. We will hopefully figure out a way to get Sam and his siblings what they need.

For the rest of the weekend, though, Sam will remain on my mind.

I don't like being hungry!!

Monday was World Hunger Day. I was unable to participate in the Central Dallas Ministries' challenge to "share in the pain of my neighbors who must daily struggle with hunger" on Monday so I committed to a different day...yesterday.

I realize people in poverty don't get to choose the day they have to deal with hunger like I did, but even though mine was calculated around my schedule it was important to me to "share in that pain" by fasting for the full three meals.

How did it go?

As my stomach growled while making my morning pot of coffee, I kept wanting to reach for one of my homemade blueberry muffins. My instinct was to eat. I had to keep reminding myself that there was nothing to eat (at least not for that day). I decided to drink more than my usual 2 cups of coffee. I figured coffee is free in most businesses, has some flavor, and could be used as my filler during the day.

Lunch was going to be a little more difficult. I had heard my co-workers planning a pizza party. Though it was a free pizza party, I thought about how many things like that aren't free. Most times everyone is asked to chip in a few bucks. What if I didn't have those few bucks? Or what if I had a few bucks but knew I needed to save that money to put toward a bill or to buy food for my household later? I wouldn't want to be in a situation where people took pity on me and paid my portion. Nor would I want them to feel sorry for me because I wasn't eating.

I began to strategize ways to avoid the lunch so I didn't feel uncomfortable while I was there.

I'm not sure if the pizza party actually happened. I knew they were planning it, but I didn't get the final word on it so I didn't call to ask. By avoiding the situation I could always claim ignorance later and explain that I never got the final word on time and place.

I was happy to have meetings planned all day. I was hoping the meetings would keep me busy enough that I wouldn't have time to think about eating. I thought about how difficult it would be to sit at a desk (or school) all day trying to work and feeling my stomach growl.

I found some spiced tea at work. It was warm and somewhat satisfying. I drank a bottle of water, but I wanted/needed some substance. I needed some flavor. I drank a diet coke. Sodas usually fill me up for a while.

By about 8:00 as I was heading home, I kept thinking to myself, "Ok. I've experienced. I get it. People are hungry. I'll just go ahead and eat dinner and still donate the money." But I wanted to force myself through.

When I got home, I suppose I cheated a little. I made a cup of hot chocolate...with milk. I thought about the fact that not all people have milk in their refrigerator...nor do they probably have hot chocolate sitting around. But I also thought about the fact that people without money often make and eat whatever they have available. They purchase cheap foods that store well. Cheap foods that store well and are easily accessibly are usually processed items like chips, ramen noodles, canned soups. Things that are filling, but not necessarily nutritional. Things like my hot chocolate.

As I tried to write this blog around 10:45 last night, my hunger kept shifting my focus. Even though I pretty much knew what I wanted to say, it wasn't working. I was tired and I wanted the hunger to go away. Maybe I could have pressed on with just one of the factors, but with both of them working against me I decided I'd just go on to bed. I knew that would make the hunger pains go away.

The problem, though, is that I knew I could wake up the next morning and my cabinets would be full and I would be able to eat again. I'm guessing that magic doesn't happen overnight in most households.

I woke up this morning and my hunger had subsided. I wasn't ravenous. It was just another day. Yet, as I poured my cereal, in my mind I was thinking...I hadn't eaten in 24 hours so, now that I can, I'll pour myself an extra big bowl to make up for yesterday. I quickly realized how crazy that was. Pouring myself a double portion was not going to make my hunger go away from yesterday...nor was it going to make me any less hungry today.

I wondered if people who are forced to miss meals think like that--once something is available...especially if it's free food at an event or something...I wonder if they pile up their plate thinking some of the same thoughts that went through my mind...except maybe they don't think about how that large portion doesn't make the hunger go away forever.

I don't know what people think. I don't know how children feel. The only time I've ever been hungry for a long period of time was by choice. I'm glad I did it, but I also realize that...

Poor people don't have that luxury.