Convicted...but not guilty

What could it possibly be like to be accused...and convicted...of something you didn't do?

In today's New York Times, there is an article about our very own Dallas County--A 12th Dallas Convict is Exonerated by DNA.

I can remember when I used to work at a gas station in college. The lady who owned the gas station was extremely particular (anal might be a more fitting word) about everything. I used to dread picking up the phone at my apartment...yes, this was before the days of Caller ID...for fear she would call. I knew if she called it wasn't good. Most of the time it was because she wanted me to work on my day off. But I can remember a time when she called me early in the morning to tell me that the cash drawer was something like $2 off and she wanted to know what had happened. To me, it sounded and felt like an accusation. It was only $2! Besides that, it's not like I came up short every time I worked! I knew I hadn't taken $2. Perhaps I miscounted someone's change, but I hadn't taken her $2! The point is, I was being accused of something I didn't do. I didn't like that feeling and dreaded being around her after that.

The situation in Dallas County is much worse. In Dallas County, at least twelve people have been accused and convicted (!) of something they didn't do. ...And these are just the innocent cases they've discovered since 2001! How many more are there??? Twelve innocent people are a LOT of innocent people to be serving behind bars for a false conviction! The sentences aren't short either.

James Waller just lost over 10 years of his life to a false conviction. He says he's not angry. I can't say that I would feel the same way. The fact that they convicted him (albeit, falsely), his name and reputation have been, are, and probably always will be questioned. A good name and a reputation is a hard thing to get back.

I understand that jurors have to make a decision based on the information they are given (though in this particular case it seems like they made a decision based on way too little evidence!). Is this "tough on crime" bravado that Texas shows off really working? Twenty four people were executed in Texas last year. How many of those were innocent? Does legally killing people and wrongfully convicting people really deter crime--especially considering what we are finding out about how many of those people are innocent? Or does it just give us a false sense of taking "bad" people off the streets?

I'm glad that The Innocence Project is out there advocating for people and challenging courts to go back and test DNA evidence. I would like to think that their findings are beginning to change some of the ways we handle situations in our court rooms.

I hope it makes us all question the assumptions we sometimes make about people.

Sad

One of the kids I knew rather well was on the A Child to Love segment of the news...you know...the one where a child tells what he would want from a family if only he could be adopted.

I knew Nagee for quite some time. His story is a tough one. After being taken from his biological family, he and his brother and sister were adopted by a friend of mine. After they had been with her for about 7 years, she found out she had cancer and passed away soon after that. They were all placed back "in the system." Nagee is 11 now.

I have good memories of Nagee. His brain worked like a little man. I could often see the wheels turning as he contemplated what he wanted to say. He would invariably come up with something that would make you wonder where in the world he came up with that stuff! (You can see a little of what I mean in the video.)

Of course there is much more to the story.

I haven't seen Nagee in about a year and a half. I miss the funny things he used to say. I can still hear him say my name with his sweet voice. With the right environment I have to believe Nagee will do well. I hope he finds that right environment. Part of me wishes that I could provide it.

Please say a prayer for Nagee...and Destiny and Gerrard. They're sweet kids. ...and like every kid, they each deserve a family who will stick with them through thick and thin and never give up. Pray that whatever he wishes for comes true.

Matthew 25:35-46

I was rifling through some old files and found this "modern paraphrase" of Matthew 25 that seems rather relevant these days:

To those on his right, the Ruler will say,
I was deaf, and you learned signs for me;
I was handicapped and you gave me respect and a job.
I was a refugee, and you gave me a new home.
I was obese, and you made room for me.
I was a teenager, and you gave me a voice in decisions.
I was jobless, and you gave me work.
I was poor, and you freed me from bondage.
I was oppressed, and you changed the system.
I was different from you, and you made me your equal.

To those on his left, the Ruler will say,
I was deaf, and you mumbled behind my back;
I was handicapped, and you built revolving doors.
I was a refugee, and you sent me back.
I was obese, and you made thin beautiful
I was ateenager, and you ignored my maturity.
I was jobless, and you gave yourselves a raise.
I was poor, and you raised my rent.
I was oppressed, and you pushed me farther down.
I was different from you, and you made jokes about me.

Lord, when did we see YOU like this?

Whenever you have done this to any human being, you have done it to me.

~by Louisa Baer

Too Blessed to be Stressed

One of my Christmas presents was a journal with the heading, "Too Blessed to be Stressed." Just looking at the journal makes me happy.

Isn't it the truth?? Aren't we all "too blessed to be stressed?"

Today I took Tiffany to meet up with her friend so she could catch a ride back to Baylor. When we got there, her friend, Autumn, asked if we were hungry and would like something to eat. Since neither one of us had eaten and we knew Autumn's grandmother had cooked, we eagerly accepted.

As we went into the house, I realized that we were walking into Big Mama's Sunday dinner. The entire extended family was sitting around the dinner table eating their weekly meal. I had a brief second of, "Oops, we're interrupting."

Fortunately, that brief second was swept away as Autumn's mom and "Big Mama" quickly pulled seats to the table, set a place for us, and told us to help ourselves to the pork loin, meat loaf, cabbage, black-eyed peas, neck bone, salad, stir fry veggies, and corn bread set out on the table.

I felt completely at home as they opened their doors to us and immediately continued their conversation, which now included two more people. Big Mama's house reminded me of going to my own Grammy's house on Sunday afternoons when I was a little kid--everything was home made, including her amazing loafs of bread, served complete with her home made strawberry jam. Mmmmmm.....mmmmmm.

It was a wonderful afternoon. An hour and a half after we had gotten there, Tiffany and Autumn packed up, Ken told me I was now family, and Inez and I exchanged phone numbers so that I could join them for Sunday dinner again.

Days like today I realize I am really blessed. I have friends, family, and pseudo-family. The people I am blessed to have around me are genuinely good people. And God continues to bless me with new...and neat...people in my life.

So, the fact that I don't have my syllabus written for the graduate class I start teaching next week, the 394 emails I have in my inbox because I went on vacation for a week (let's hope the majority of those are spam!), and the seemingly endless pile of work I have to do shouldn't stress me out because
I'm too blessed to be stressed!

Opportunities and Struggles

I absolutely love to travel! I just got back from a Caribbean Cruise and loved every relaxing minute of it. (Thank you, mom and dad!) But I have to say, these days I have to think a lot more about my luxuries.

When I told my friends I was going on a cruise, they were extremely encouraging. They told me I deserved a relaxing vacation. Their graciousness and generosity always amazes me. Many of the friends who told me I deserved to go know that an extravagant vacation like that is out of reach for them monetarily. I’m sure they realize that their work is just as physically and/or emotionally as taxing as mine, yet they were genuinely excited for me.

What makes my hard work more deserving of a break than their hard work?

I would like to think that the choices I have made in life have gotten me to where I am today. I would like to think I’m deserving of the “extras” I get in life. However, I have learned that my most of my choices are a result of circumstances I didn’t control.

I didn’t choose the neighborhood I grew up in, my skin color, or my parents. I had a two-parent home with a mom who could afford to stay-at-home. I had a family that did well financially; my parents didn’t need me to work in order to help contribute to household expenses. I had parents who understood the value of a college education and could afford to send me. I had parents who set high expectations for me, which led to me having high expectations of myself. Fortunately for me, the bad choices I did make simply didn’t end up with long-term life-altering results.

I appreciate the kindness of my friends who celebrate my good fortune with me. They are much bigger people than I am. I’m afraid I would be resentful.

I have been blessed with great opportunities in my life. I struggle with how to take advantage of my opportunities while working to ensure that all people have these same opportunities. Is it possible to do both?

Amazing children

I know I've talked about Kashia before, but her passion for life inspires me so much I have to keep going back to her.

Central Dallas is launching a postcard campaign and Kashia was chosen to be one of the kids featured on a postcard. I fell in love with the pictures as soon as I saw them. The photographer captured her so well!

This is a typical picture of Kashia. Offer her a challenge and her finger will go up to her chin in thinking mode. Her wheels will start turning and she will meet your challenge head on...usually surfacing with the answer.
I love this picture with Kashia and her mom, Chanel. Though Chanel really dislikes pictures, I think this offers a great side of Chanel that shows you what kind of mom she is. When I asked Chanel if Kashia could be involved in our postcard campaign, Chanel was afraid they might interview her (she doesn't like talking much either) and take pictures of her, too. Instead of saying no, Chanel told me that she would do whatever she needed to for Kashia's sake.
Kashia is an inquisitive and precocious child. I wonder how many more inquisitive and precocious children we might have...and I wonder how much more Kashia could aspire to... if we offered the most vulnerable and dependent of our society a high quality education, good healthcare, a safe place to live, and the resources they need.

I know there are many more Kashia's out there waiting to be discovered. What Kashia's do you know?

My Christmas wish...year-round justice

Call me a bah humbug, but I'm not a big fan of Christmas.

I was in the toy department of Target the other day and overheard a couple of White families talking to each other about purchasing gifts for the "less fortunate." The children were pointing out games and toys they liked and their father eagerly encouraged them to get several of each one enthusiastically claiming, "There will be over a thousand kids there!" A few people walked by and inquisitively asked what they were doing...to which they eagerly told them of their efforts to purchase items for "less fortunate" children who would be coming to their event.

As the kids perused through the toy aisles looking for toys to purchase and give away, I heard their mom say, "These kids are going to be 'dark-skinned' kids so we need to find some 'dark-skinned' dolls." Something about the whole thing didn't set right with me. I suppose I should give them credit and even commend them for taking into account the "darker skin" of the kids they would be giving toys to. Some people don't even do that much. I know that their intentions were probably good. It still struck a nerve with me. I wondered what their conversation sounded like to the other possibly "less fortunate" or "dark-skinned" people who might have been shopping around them.

After thinking about this scenario a while, I finally realized why all of this hype and giving to the "less fortunate" bothers me.

The people giving the gifts don't know the people they are giving to.

They don't know them before the event, nor do they seek to build a relationship with them after the event.

What happens the other 364 days of the year after Christmas is over?

Are these same people who are "getting into the Christmas spirit" by giving gifts and encouraging their children to "have fun" purchasing the gifts for "less fortunate people" putting the same efforts forth the rest of the year to help raise the minimum wage, hire under-skilled people and train them to have marketable job skills, tutor a child to help him/her grasp necessary concepts, work with someone on a part of the GED they can't seem to pass, or help someone fill out the paperwork and forms needed for them to go to college so that when future Christmas's roll around more families can afford to provide Christmas gifts for their own children?

If Christmas is about Christ, shouldn't we be working toward Christmas (being Christ-like) year-round? What would that look like? Is being Christ-like about charity...or justice?

"Let justice roll down like waters..." Amos 5:24

It's ok for your children, but not for mine

Inner city Dallas is just like every other inner city across America. Liquor, wine, and beer stores are everywhere! I remember when I went to San Francisco a few years ago how amazed I was that there were so many Starbucks...often located directly across the street from each other. If you've been to San Francisco, imagine that times 10. In South Dallas, there are certain pockets where there are probably 10 or more liquor stores in a one block area. Many of us who live in South Dallas don't want the concentration of these stores in our neighborhood any more than someone in a wealthier part of Dallas would.

Several years ago a law was passed (the article attached to this blog explains more). The law stated that no beer/wine/liquor stores could be built within a 1000 feet of a school. The law, however, grandfathered in the already established stores. Knowing that children walk by these stores every day on their way to/from school and knowing that the more concentrated alcohol establishments in an area can be directly related to the increase in crime in an area, South Dallas leaders have worked and continue to work hard to do what they can to move these establishments out. It is not an easy battle.

Yesterday I attended a court hearing protesting one of the beer and wine stores by the school. What struck me as I was sitting there was the argument of the beer and wine store's lawyer. As the witnesses gave their testimony about what the beer and wine stores do to the community, the lawyer kept refocusing their statements to ask if this particular store could be proven to create the unsafe atmosphere in the area. I could see where he was going. He was trying to keep the heat off of his client by saying that their one liquor store does nothing bad in the community. They are perfectly legal in what they are selling and, he even went on to argue that they are a "good neighbor" in the community because the owners actually keep crime off of their property.

I realize he's a lawyer and lawyer's are supposed to defend their clients whether they believe them to be innocent or not. But I would be interested to know where his children go to school and whether he would want them walking by liquor stores and the people that frequent them every day. Actually, as he argued that Buy and Save was actually a "good neighbor" that keeps crime away, I wanted to challenge him to walk from Pearl C. Anderson to any one of these kids' homes. I would almost bet my last dollar that he, a grown man, would probably be scared and would refuse.

So why is it ok for our South Dallas children to have to deal with that? Don't our children in South Dallas deserve the same healthy environment as any other kid? Or do we pay no attention to it because it because if we don't live there it doesn't affect us and our children?

It's a frustrating battle. I agree that Buy and Save Discount Beer and Wine is not the sole reason there are drugs, crime, and prostitution in South Dallas. However, it is a contributor. We're working to get those "contributors" out one by one.

After Bible study is over...

Most Thursday nights I end up taking "home" a lady who attends the same Bible study I do. I put "home" in quotes because she is technically homeless. I usually take her to a round-the-clock diner where she gets a cup of coffee and hangs out until someone takes her to the "24 hour Club," a place that provides mats (or a bunk, if you're lucky) to sleep on. She seems to have a male friend or two who she stays with periodically.

Our ride downtown is nearly always the same. We begin by chatting about how much she loves red soda and how she gets her fill of that at Smokey's (the restaurant where our Bible study is held). The conversation then turns to lottery tickets and how much she loves the lottery. Then she always turns to tell me she wants to have "pretty things" like I do. The conversation switches back and forth between lottery tickets and my "pretty things" until we arrive at her destination.

I can handle chit-chatty conversation about red soda. It's a safe topic. However, every time she starts talking about lottery tickets and her enamour with my "things," I get uncomfortable.

First of all, I don't like lottery tickets. They irritate me because I think they're a trap that provides false hope to those who are poor. The promise of possibly being a multi-millionaire, despite the odds, keeps people going back day after day.

I have finally given up trying to convince my friend that she has probably spent way more money on lottery tickets than she has won (or ever will win). I can't decide if she actually spends the money on the lottery tickets or just fantasizes about them. Either way, she knows which ticket plays on what day of the week and she has even informed me about seasonal lottery tickets (I didn't know there was such a thing!). Her obsession with lottery tickets drives me crazy. I never quite know how to respond.

I am thrown off even more when she explains to me (after I try to convince her that lottery tickets are a waste of money) that she plays the lottery so she can have nice things like me. She likes my car. She thinks my earrings are pretty ("and expensive," she is quick to add), even though they are the one of the only two pair I own. She likes the way I dress.

I always try to come up with some good reason for why I have what I do..."I work hard. I saved my money. I didn't buy lottery tickets. I went to college," I tell her. The words seem ridiculous as they come out of my mouth. So much of what I have is because of what grandparents and parents saved for me and what friends have given me. And despite my justification about why I have certain "things," the things I have are a little audacious when I think of what she and many of my other limited income friends have.

I want to justify myself. I mean, come on! Comparatively speaking, I live more modestly than most of the Dallasites.

I tell her it's not about "things." "Things" don't make you happy. But who am I kidding?? If there weren't some type of gratification or ease in having "things," I wouldn't have them! I'm not the one having to beg for rides home from Bible study or having to try to figure out where to stay each night.

I try to explain I have a good job because I went to college. To which she wistfully replies that getting a good education is important, as if knowing that is a good thing, but what good will that do her now that she doesn't have it?

The fact of the matter is that she can't afford even a roof over her head.

I don't know if my friend has ever worked. I'm guessing she may have some type of slight mental illness, though I don't know that for a fact. I really don't know if she is capable of working. My guess is probably not.

So I'm left every Thursday night grappling with the guilt, helplessness, and realization that some people are really struggling in this world with no chance or opportunity to get ahead, even if they want to.

For the benefit of all

Where do our selfish motives and our fears come from?

I read an article in the Washington Post about the current attempts White parents are making to sway desegregation orders so that their children can get put into the best schools and avoid the worst. The "best" schools have AP classes available, multiple opportunities, challenging coursework...and are made up of primarily White children. The "worst" schools have few, if any college-prep, rigorous classes, fewer extracurricular opportunities, and lower expectations for the kids...oh yeah...and are made up of primarily Black and Hispanic children.

Here's what I don't get. These parents who are working so hard to keep their children out of the "worst" schools...why don't they go ahead and put their child in the school and then work just as diligently to fight for the same quality of education and classes at that "bad" school so that all of the children involved can benefit?? Instead, they work overtime to make sure their child avoids the "bad" school...even to the point of enrolling their child illegally in a suburban district and lying to the school about their child's enrollment until their child gets moved up on the waiting list in their own district and is able to attend the school of their (or their parent's) choice.

I suppose I'd be naive to say that I don't know why urban schools don't have more rigor, more AP classes, and other programs that middle and upper-middle class parents want for their children. On the surface, kids in those schools appear to not care...about themselves, their community, or their academic achievements. However, I know that many of these kids, with the right expectations and the right challenge, can far exceed what the schools are currently expecting of them (I've witnessed it!). Think about it, though, that's exactly why many White, middle class parents are working so hard to get their kids in other schools. They recognize that if you put a child in a situation where there is little or no opportunity to grow, they won't! The difference in these White, middle class parents than many of the parents in the area around these "bad" schools is that the White, middle class parents have the money, time, resources, connections, and knowledge of the system to make sure their child gets what they want/need.

If parents who ultimately end up with successful, academically prepared students are making sure they secure those opportunities for their own children, shouldn't we think about what they are seeking out and figure out how to offer it in all of our schools for all of our children?? I have been around kids and "systems" long enough to know that putting a few AP classes into a school is not going to draw the masses of our urban kids. It's going to take time and it's going to take an effort by everyone involved to make sure the kids know about the wealth of opportunities available, can access them (financially and physically), and are prepared for them. This cannot be done by making the opportunities available and then lowering expectations. Our kids deserve so much better than that. We need to make the opportunities available and then work to make sure our kids are prepared for the intensity of those higher expectations.

Look below the surface of what you see in urban neighborhoods and urban schools. The problems aren't the unruly and out of control kids. It's not just the parents or lack thereof of the unruly and out of control kids. The problems run so much deeper. Look at the way the system is set up. Decide if you would want your child to be in those situations. If not, help us figure out how to solve those problems at a systemic level so that every child has an opportunity to be successful.

And realize that the ones who do come out of that system successful are way more extraordinary than we ever give them credit for.