People just don't understand

I'm just reading this article from the Dallas Morning News:

Dallas ISD's plan to raze homes for new school leaves some angry over offers 

I have lived in the Jubilee neighborhood for the last 15 years. A friend of mine called the other day asking my opinion on the DISD desire to use eminent domain to tear down all of the houses where he used to live. He has since moved out of the area, but many of his friends and neighbors still live in the houses they intend to tear down and they are upset because they will be losing their homes in the upcoming rebuild of O.M. Roberts Elementary.

They have legitimate concerns. Many people have lived in the Jubilee neighborhood for decades. So this comment by "CabMeb's Girl" on the Dallas Morning News article caught my attention:

Let's face it, those houses on that land are not worth $120,000 to $150,000. Although I feel sorry for them,I have to ask if they wanted to put the place on the market today, would they be able to get more than $50,000? DISD does not owe them anymore than what the home and property are actually worth. We would all like to retire to a nice house or see our parents be able to do so, but we retire to what we can afford be it a $50,000 house or a multi-million dollar mansion.

Allow me to address CabMeb's Girl or anyone that feels that way...

You are right. The homes the families live in may not be worth $120,000-$150,000. Often, the homes people in my neighborhood are dilapidated. If they aren't dilapidated, they are old. To sell them at market rate, they might only bring $50,000, as you suggest. However, those families aren't making the decision to sell them, are they? Those families probably recognize that they can't sell them for much so they stay in the homes, regardless of their condition. As the article suggest, many of the residents are older and only bring in a small pension every month. They know they can't afford buying a new home so they haven't even bothered trying. They are content where to live with what they have.

So, when you say they should be happy with what they are getting, you aren't taking into account that they are not the ones choosing to move. Providing them with $50,000 and asking them to find a new home gives them just enough money to put them in major debt. They deserve to be compensated with enough funds to find a home somewhere else. Even the homes that have been built in Jubilee Park over the last five years average about $95,000.

I'm guessing your next comment might be that if they're willing to live in a dilapidated or old house now, then it shouldn't hurt them to move into another home just like that. But let me ask you if you would be willing to do that. Most of the families in my neighborhood have lived there for years. They have friends and neighbors they know and trust. They have people to watch their home when they are gone, they have friends to borrow sugar from when they run out, they have children who have established friendships with other kids in the neighborhood. So for me to ask or expect them to move out of their neighborhood, incur debt they don't currently have, or move into a low quality home they will not have the funds to fix up is unconsiderate in the least, but more accurately very arrogant.

I truly hope that DISD begins thinking about and considering the families in the neighborhood. They are not asking for any handout. They are not trying to get rich. And I am sure that they, too, would love a high quality school for their children and grandchildren. But what may seem like an easy thing to do in a neighborhood where people have a lot of access to disposable income, that is not the case in my neighborhood.

Please, let's think of the families.

The cost of poverty

I've always wondered why someone like Michael Jordan could walk into a restaurant and get a free meal, but someone who is homeless would be required and demanded to pay full price.

There is nothing easy about being poor.

Being poor takes extra money. Being poor takes extra intelligence. Being poor takes extra determination. Being poor takes extra time. But nothing is set up in our system to allow that extra money, intelligence, determination, or time.

When I was young, my mother used to watch for bargains and stock up. She stocked up and stored it all in our basement or in our multiple freezers. I still follow her philosophy. But I realize people who only have a set amount of money each month and a small apartment can't afford to get ahead like that. They have to buy what's available at the time, which is often more expensive.

The intelligence needed is astounding to me--especially in light of the poor way schools in low-income areas often operate. This summer we are trying to utilize free software available on the internet. We want the kids to realize we are using tools that they have access to without spending money they don't have. However, each free tool takes extra plug-ins and takes a huge amount of knowledge to figure out what other program(s) you have to have to convert the file into a readable format. It would be so much easier to use software we pay for.

Which leads to my point about determination...and refers back to my point about the time it takes to be poor. A person has to be extremely determined to figure out how these tools work...which also takes a lot of time. If a person is working, has a family, hasn't been equipped with even a base-knowledge of technology or education, this determination seems pointless. It would be very easy to give up and exist at what is already known.

Finally, it takes extra time to be poor. One of my friends has been poor for some time now. But she doesn't believe in government assistance. After looking for a job for several months, she decided she would have to resort to being considered "low-income" and went to the office to apply. She explained that they asked her for her life story and they require her to keep going for appointments. Without a car, those hours spent on the bus and in the welfare offices add up to a lot of time spent away from job search and family.

As I am reading Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence book, I realize there is another cost of poverty. There is an emotional cost. And that emotional cost feeds all of the other areas.

A lot of the parents I know speak with short, frustrated commands. They are tired of years of struggle and that struggle gets passed on to their children. They work or go to school all day and don't have the energy or desire to deal with a crying baby or, when the children are older, to take their children places...even if those places are free. When a parent is too frustrated to have empathy toward their children, the children learn to avoid expressing emotions that would need empathetic responses. The reflection of these responses begin in a child's infancy.

Emotional neglect has cyclical effects. It dulls empathy skills but can also result in hyper-sensitivity to emotions and comments of those around them, causing children to react defensively and in anger to comments that could have been resolved easily.

The combination of all of the above often results in a downward spiral. The children who achieve in spite of are those with amazing resilience and are the exceptions to the rule.

The solutions are complex. We have a lot of work to do. We must create learning environments that inspire a release of creativity and allows kids to get lost in their passions. We need to do a much better job of educating children and providing them with opportunities to grow and explore. We need to think through our current society that raises prices in low-income areas and lowers prices in higher income communities.

The emotional toll has huge consequences to all of us. Goleman sites a higher rate of crime from those who have these emotional voids. It is not a problem for those who are poor; it is a problem for all of us. We all must work together to solve it.

Happy 50 years!

This weekend I got to celebrate my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary. Just about a year ago, we celebrated my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. In this day, both of those are truly significant milestones.

It was great being with my family. This weekend was really special because it caused me to watch and reflect. In my family, there is always lots of laughter, smiles, and hugs. It's easy to spend time with each other. Each person in my family has a little bit of goofy in them; all have a sense of humor.

I value the fact that my cousins and I have such great examples of parents who have been together for such a long time. Our parents are examples of people who are down-to-earth, kind, and generous.

It is because of my aunt and uncle and my mom and dad that I still believe a faithful, real, and positive marriage and family is still possible.

It is because of them that I believe it is important to be kind and generous to those around us. It is because of them that I have learned to laugh and love.

Congratulations, Charley and Ona....and THANK YOU for 50 years!

I'm the mom!

This made me laugh...



I really thought I was the only one that said all of these things!

The Obamas: Setting a new standard of "values"

Who created the rulebook that says if you make more money or if you hold a high position, you have to act differently?

For some reason, I think we have been convinced that if we make more money, we should spend more money, be in a certain neighborhood, and have certain friends. Think about it. How many people who grew up in poverty, went to college, and became highly successful, moved back to live in the same community where they grew up? On the other hand, how many went of and became successful, got a big house in a nice area, began buying more expensive clothes, and spending more money in the unspoken name of "prestige"?

Why does having money or having a higher position dictate that we must remove ourselves or change our lifestyle?

So when I read about Michelle Obama spending her first few days in the White House meeting with the entire staff and getting to know them, I couldn't help but be further impressed. The article went on to talk about the Obamas' plan to keep their daughters as down-to-earth as possible--no nanny...the kids pick up after themselves...and President and Mrs. Obama still plan to attend parent meetings at the school.

I've read the critics who say the Obama's are "wooing" the press. But, in all of my adult life, I have never heard of a president or presidential family who was so intentional about being inclusive...about ensuring that the people who are traditionally at the bottom (...literally...they are in the basement of the White House) are valued. That's so refreshing.

It's refreshing to think that the message coming from the White House is inclusivity, valuing all people, and reprimanding those who spend our stimulus tax dollars on lavish jets and bonuses rather than, "Spend! Spend! Spend!" It's a message in values for our country.

Ice Storm in Missouri: Federal Disaster causes community to shine

My mom called on Friday to tell me they were okay.

I felt horrible. Though I listen to NPR and follow major news issues pretty closely, somehow I had completely missed that Southern Missouri was one of the major recipients of the ice storm that rocked the midwest...and I hadn't called home in a few days. My parents had been without electricity since Tuesday!

My parents are technically retired. However, my dad is still the Presiding Commissioner of Ozark County. So times like these create a lot of work for him. He just finished dealing with FEMA a few months ago when all of the flooding happened in their area and now FEMA is back, once again, since Ozark County has been classified as a federal disaster area.

My mom explained the down trees, the lack of electricity (and lack of heat), and some of the people with medical conditions who have not gotten the treatment they needed. But what struck me about our last two conversations is what a strong *community* exists in my small town of 632 people.

In the video below, Sonja is letting people use the shower in her beauty shop. The courthouse is allowing people to sleep there to stay warm. Chris and the local bank created an emergency fund for ice storm victims. When I talked to mom today she explained she had to get off the phone because several of them were at the courthouse making phone calls to people in the areas that were hardest hit to make sure people were ok and to see if they needed water or anything.

My brother (who lives in Springfield, which wasn't hit as bad this time) had travelled 70 miles to go back home a town near Gainesville that was hit particularly hard so he and some friends could help clear brush from the backroads so people could get to and from their homes.

Think how strong our neighborhoods would be if we could generate and create this kind of care and concern in each of our own communities.



The pictures (below) can be deceiving. I think it's interesting that the pictures I've seen from friends and family back home, despite the devastating effects, have chosen to focus on the beauty of the moment (with a few exceptions).




Mom and Dad's (normally paved) driveway:


Mom and Dad's carport:


Down electric pole:



Note the thickness of the ice:

Sleeping like Grandpa

I just came back from a family reunion in San Antonio. Lots of fun. The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to (re)connect with family. It was great being with cousins I rarely see...even though some of them live in the Dallas area. We enjoyed homemade Mexican pastries... the Schlitterbahn...
the River Walk... assisting the one waiter serve our group of 50+ people... and just hanging out talking.

But, I do believe one of the best moments was watching my 3-year old nephew imitate my dad sleeping...




...and his laugh is so contagious!

Parents of the last 36 Years Award

My parents have always allowed and encouraged me to chase my dreams. I don't know that I realized that when I was younger.

Their time and money was spent on me taking baton twirling lessons, piano lessons, traveling, participating in choir events, becoming a "Future Business Leader of America," a Future Farmer of America," a "Future Homemaker of America," and all kinds of other things. I only recently realized that they enjoy traveling...I suppose because I spent all of their money as a teenager exploring my own interests!

My parents have always been very involved in their community...serving at the Senior Citizens Center, visiting the local nursing home, volunteering for Lion's Club, supporting summer baseball leagues...the list could go on. As the presiding commisioner of the town, my dad is very involved in writing grants and creating programs that benefit the entire community. Since it is a rural community, he recognizes the need to seek out programs that help poorer people in the community, but that benefit the city overall.

Over the last few weeks, I've had a couple of conversations with my dad where he has strongly encouraged me...and is quite adamant...to get involved in politics. Despite my attempt to convince him that I'm involved in more of the grass roots organizing efforts in my community, he insists that I need to run for office or at the very least, get involved in what is sure to become a very historical presidential campaign. "That's how you make change," he keeps telling me.

My dad and I are on opposing sides when it comes to party politics, but I truly respect and admire that he knows what effects change...and he encourages that no matter what political side one might be on. Both my mom and dad have encouraged and supported me in stepping into situations that I thought I wanted, others that I wasn't necessarily ready for, and many that I wasn't necessarily good at...and then pushing me to be the best at whatever I chose.

My dad explained to me last night, "No one's ever ready. Just get in there."

Good advice from a wise farmer and politician from small town Missouri. I wish more people had parents like I have. I hope as we move forward in our efforts in Rochester Park or in my own Jubilee Park neighborhood...or simply in my conversations with other friends and young people...that I can inspire the same kind of action my parents have inspired in me.

"No one's ever ready. Just get in there!"

Congratulations, Sylvia and Bernard!

Ms. Sylvia has been asking me to go see her new house since they first found out they were getting it a couple of weeks ago. Things kept coming up and I had never gotten around to it...even when she invited me over for dinner on Christmas day.

Now that I'm done traveling for the holidays, I asked if I could swing by. She eagerly said, "Of course!" and promptly invited the rest of our staff so we could eat, play cards and just hang out--such a gracious and welcoming host...but that's just Ms. Sylvia.

She had shown me pictures of her house from her camera phone. She has talked and talked about how beautiful it is. Still, nothing prepared me for how wonderful her home is! It's brand new! It's a great size for her family of Sylvia, her husband Bernard, and the two kids. It has an awesome laundry room, a two-car garage, big rooms, bathrooms, and closets, and an amazing front and back yard. If I weren't so happy for them, I'd be completely envious!

I've had my fair share of frustrations with the Dallas Housing Authority (DHA) and their upkeep (or lack thereof) in Turner Courts. But I must say, if this is what all of their Family Self Sufficiency homeownership program participants receive (and I believe it is), I am very impressed.

On their website, DHA explains their FSS and Homeownership program like this:

Family Self-Sufficiency: The Family Self Sufficiency (FSS) program assists DHA clients in developing personal objectives, enabling them to become economically independent. Case managers work with clients to develop long-term goals such as pursuing higher education, job skills training and homeownership. More than 30 FSS families purchased homes in 2004, and nearly 50 in 2005.

Homeownership: DHA is moving families to homeownership through its Housing Choice Voucher (HCV) Homeownership and Resident Opportunities for Support Services (ROSS) programs. The HCV Homeownership program allows first-time homebuyers to use vouchers towards the purchase of a home. The homeownership division holds ongoing seminars with clients, vendors, realtors, investors and property owners. Topics range from qualifying for a loan to financing and credit repair to fair housing practices.

Sylvia and Bernard are taking every opportunity to be wise and knowledgeable homeowners and I am SO happy for them!!

I loved everything about their new home. But although their home is wonderful on the outside, Sylvia and Bernard make it even more beautiful because of who they are and what they bring to the inside.

Valuing the family??

How much does our society truly value and promote the family structure?

I've been trying to fill out paperwork for the state to show we are not a daycare provider. We need this exemption in order for us to receive free snacks for the children.

I don't think we are going to qualify.

Their rules don't match with what what our program is about:

1) The program will not collect compensation for its services.

2) Children participating in the activities are free to join or leave the program at will. If the program provides transportation from school, children may choose whether to use the transportation from school and when to leave the program and walk home without adult supervision.

3) The program must require all parents to sign a statement allowing their children to come and go at will from the program.

Although I'm not opposed to organizations who don't collect any compensation, we do. We only charge $5/month, which is extremely minimal compared to what we provide. Quality after-school care costs money. We want to provide that quality and we want parents to feel they are putting their child somewhere that is worth paying money for. Although their financial commitment seems minimal, the percentage and amount of their income makes it just as significant as wealthier people paying good money for their children to have extracurricular programs. Free often implies that people must accept and be grateful for what they are given. Because our parents are financially committed, they have a right to complain if they want but, more importantly, their commitment and our conversations with them allow them to shape the direction of the program.

The second and third rule are particularly disturbing to me. I can't imagine wanting my child to be a part of a program where I have to sign a paper saying my 5-13 year old child can decide whether or not s/he goes home without adult supervision. Our program is a place parents can enroll their child and *know* that s/he won't be running the streets when mom isn't looking. If enrolled children don't ride the van from school, we talk to the parents. This assures us and the parents that their child's safety is primary to us. By coming straight to the program, we (and the parents) know that their child will get his/her homework done along with the support s/he needs. For a parent who is working, this provides a feeling of comfort. For a parent who may not seem concerned about their child's whereabouts, this allows us to initiate conversations with the parent and build a relationship that has often developed a heightened awareness of their child's activities.

Because of our contradicting "rules," I'm not sure if we will receive the free snacks.

Regardless...

I know what we offer to the parents is a valuable service that isn't available financially or in proximity. I know I have no desire to compromise our commitment and assurance to the families that we will provide a safe, supervised, educational place for their children and will not release them unless the parent/guardian says it is ok.

My friend, Monica

I'm not sure how you feel about immigration issues, but regardless of how you feel, I hope you read Larry's blog (click here) and think about how lives are dramatically being affected and families being torn apart...all because some people are more concerned about getting rid of Mexicans (even when they've been here most of their lives) no matter what the cost. I fail to see how the dramatic actions to rid us of Mexicans help our country. What bothers me even more is the fact that these Minutemen-types claim Christianity. I see no Christian behavior in targeting teenagers and ripping families apart as has happened with Monica and so many others.

Please pray for Monica and their family. I have known them for the last 12 years. They are such a wonderful family and deserve none of this emotional toil...and now fear...that will likely stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Struggles of minimum wage

Have you ever thought about trying to raise your family on $10,712 per year...or $21,424 if there are two adults in the home and both are working? That's what minimum wage ($5.15/hour) would get someone if they were working a full 40 hours a week with absolutely no vacation days for the whole 52 weeks out of the year! Granted, many jobs pay a whopping $6 or $7 per hour so that would up that number a little. Of course, those are gross numbers...before taxes have been taken out.

As a single person with no dependents, I can't imagine living on $10, 712 per year! Although I wouldn't claim to be the most frugal person when it comes to spending money, I'm not overly extravagant either. Minimum wage amounts to $892.67/mo. When I was living in my very cheap (comparatively speaking) apartment complex that offered "all bills paid" and where many people I know didn't want visit, let alone live (I would argue that I enjoyed my neighbors and loved where I lived...but that is beside the point.), my rent was $575 for a 2-bedroom apartment. That's 64% of a person's minimum wage income! And that was three years ago! I am almost sure rent in my old apartments has gone up since then. Unfortunately, though, while rent and other prices increase, minimum wage has not. Deducting rent from what someone on minimum wage would make leaves $317.67 for the whole month to buy groceries, household items, personal hygeine items, clothes, gas or bus passes, car payment (if you have a car), pay tithes, child care...forget the entertainment or any kind of luxuries!!

Check out this website to gain an understanding of the difficult choices people are forced to make because of these low wages.

The laws that are being made (or, in the case of the Congress, the laws that aren't being passed) at the expense of someone else make me think a little differently when I begin putting myself in that position and wonder how I would live...knowing I'm working hard just like the rest of the population!

Shifting our thinking

I went home for a family reunion this weekend. It's always great to hang out with friends and family who unconditionally love you. I happen to have a really great family. I know not everyone is that blessed.

Most people in my family, whether or not we see each other in between the 5 year reunions, know that I work for an inner-city ministry and know that I work with kids. This is always difficult for me. I am always troubled by the way people approach me and tell me, "I hear you are doing such great work!"

I know that sounds odd and I probably should just take their comments at face value and move on. But let me explain my delimma. When people say that, I always have to wonder what they mean by their comment. I always wonder if they would make the same comment if I were working with a suburban, predominantly White ministry.

I think I have so much trouble responding because I know what we do at our ministry is not "typical" for most ministries I've seen. We are so much more than a charity stop. How do you explain to someone that our ministry is about handshakes, not handouts? It's about justice, not just crises management? It's about fighting for quality schools for children, not just providing them a "safe place" for an hour or two after school? It's about educating suburban, rural, and middle class people in order to help them understand that relationships are reciprocal, racism is real, and poverty affects a person's life more than people with money will ever understand? It's about building relationships and friendships with people. It's more than just handing out food. It's more than just a mission trip.

People have such good intentions. I know they mean well. I know when people ask if they can 'help' and volunteer for a day that they are trying in the only way they know how. I know when people ask about the kids I work with and want to know how much impact I have had on their lives that they really just want to know that good things are being done. I know when they say they are proud of me, they really are.

But what I want people to realize is that what I do is not 'helping underprivileged kids.' The 'underprivileged kids' and people I 'work with' are my friends. We are all in this together.

Do I encourage some of my friends here in the inner-city to make different choices and think differently about things? Of course I do! I do that the same as I do with my close friends outside of inner-city Dallas when I don't agree with a decision or choice they have made. But in addition to me handing out advice and accountability, my friends here in the inner city do the same for me. It's a two-way street. And in order for both of us to grow, we have to be willing to learn from each other. That's what I don't think people understand.

Ministry isn't one-way charity. Jesus built relationships with people...often with the most unlikely people for a man of his stature. Through his relationships, he held people accountable. He was critical of the upper-class religious person just as much as he was of the prostitute...no more, no less. He thought religious piety was just as bad as a woman who had slept with many men.

Jesus hung out with the people others (especially religious folk) condemned. He went to their homes and hung out. He did not go to their house to judge them. He went to eat dinner and enjoy their company. Through those relationships, ministry often came to him. He didn't have to seek it out.

We need a paradigm shift in ministry. Maybe we should approach life the same way Jesus did. Maybe if we lived our lives in a way that built relationships with all people, opportunities for ministry would seek us out instead of us having to contrive ways for us to "minister to" people.