"Rock"

Funerals are reminders. Reminders of the past. Reminders of good times. The little stuff doesn't seem to matter so much on days like these.

Today was Rock's funeral. He was 57 years old. He had heart problems. He had led a tough life.

I don't know all of Rock's story...and I'm not sure what changed him. I've heard he used to be a pretty big drug dealer, but I didn't know him like that. For all I know, maybe he was still selling when I met him. It wouldn't surprise me. I've learned that what people do doesn't necessarily define who they are. I have a hard time picturing Rock as the really major drug dealer that he was at one time. Instead, what I know about Rock is his phone calls, his tears, and his love for his grandchildren...his love for his grandchildren...his love for his grandchildren.

Rock loved, but he also wanted to be loved.

Funerals seem to wake me up. Maybe I need to figure out a way to remember those things on days other than funerals.

As I sat at the funeral today I began remembering things I'd almost forgotten. We used to go to Ms. D's for Sunday dinner. Ms. D complained incessantly about us being there (that was just the way she was), but she always invited Rock and usually some others she felt like needed something--whether that be friends, family, or food. Looking back, I guess I was one of those who needed something as well. I don't know that any of us looked at it that way. I'm guessing she probably needed us as well. We were all friends. We argued, discussed, played dominoes, teased, watched movies, and felt a part of something.

Listening to people today made me think that Rock was a networker. When Ms. J.R. got up to speak, she told about how Rock was her patient when she was a nurse at our Health Clinic. As she helped Rock deal with his own health issues, he coerced her into helping his neighbor as well. He wanted to connect his neighbors to the same opportunities he had been given. So he called her every time he or someone else needed something.

I chuckle. :) He did the same to me.

Rock knew I was an educator. He knew I had gotten all of these degrees in education. He was convinced I could help him, despite my own reluctance. Rock called me when he wanted to learn to read. He was probably in his 40s at the time. He called me when he was afraid his daughters weren't leading his grandkids in the right direction. He wanted to learn to read so he could read to them. He wanted to know what resources were available to help them do better than they were. This is where poverty gets complex and complicated.

If changing things were based on love and desire alone, Rock's heart and love for his grandkids would have wiped away his past and gave him a complete new start. Unfortunately, he had all of the baggage from his past that carried on to his children and affected his grandchildren. Rock had turned over a new leaf and would have done everything in his power to make that same change for his long-time girlfriend and his children. No matter how much he changed, though, he couldn't convince them to do the same. I'm guessing that's why he focused so much on his grandchildren. He wanted to make sure they didn't even start down that same path.

The two grand daughter's I know are now 17 and 18 now. Both have children of their own. A few months ago, Rock called me pleading for me to help them get on the right track and make sure they get what they need so they can go to college. We tried, but our program isn't quite set up in a way that provided what they needed. They needed childcare to go to school during the day. They needed to provide basic necessities for their children. They needed an education. It was complicated. They stopped going to school thinking finding a job was the answer. I didn't think it was, but I didn't have any other good solution either. I feel/felt so helpless. And now that he's gone, who is going to continue tracking me down imploring someone to help his grandkids?? Who is going to be the go-between to plead with them to do better while negotiating with someone else who can possibly offer the help they need??


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Sitting at Rock's funeral today made me think about the complexities of the life of a person who made mistakes but desperately wanted to right the wrongs. But by then the deck was stacked against him. Then again, the deck was probably stacked against him before then...which is why he probably made the choices he did.

It's the Rock's of the world who challenge me to press forward and defy the people who say, "You can't change the world." I don't know what exactly I can or will do in the future, but I know I am going to constantly think about and try to figure out how to do more with adult literacy, education, and teen parents. Somewhere, somehow...

I'm glad I knew Rock. I'm glad I knew his love. In his memory, I hope to carry it on.

What our future holds

Saturday evening, as we all got together for our pastor's anniversary dinner, I got a chance to see and talk to Fredrick.

He's home from Lamar University for a couple of weeks before he goes back to begin summer school and resume working. He only gets the chance to come home a few times each year because Beaumont is about 5 hours away.

As I watched Fredrick, I sat in awe.

Fredrick has been a part of Central Dallas Church since he was around 7 or 8. When Fredrick comes home, he blends back in as if he never left...except he has left...and he will be a junior at Lamar in the fall.

Not long after Fredrick arrived at the dinner, six little boys (all under the age of 7 and all cousins...but not related to Fredrick), came racing to the front door and tumbled into the community center. The boys chose their table nearly before their families even got in the door. Fredrick joined the boys. I don't recall him being asked to sit with them or to watch over them, but he did. ...Bathroom trips...dinner supervision...Fredrick was on the job. Afterward, he followed them to the games in the recreation area and hung out with them while they played.

I don't know that Fredrick realizes the impact of what he did and continues to do--from persevering through college challenges to role modeling for young children. He does it naturally and effortlessly. Whether he realizes it or not, I know he is making an impact.

I look forward to the day when some of the kids Fredrick has inadvertently mentored are in the same place he is...and turning around to mentor other kids just like Fredrick did them.

Tapping into talent

Being a member of Central Dallas Church keeps me connected to real people.

I've tried leaving Central Dallas and going elsewhere--mega churches, small, local congregations...It didn't work. I always went back to Central Dallas.

Central Dallas is not a church with money. Many of our members are poor.

In the beginning, another church supported our pastor and our work. Through the years, however, outside funding for many different things has dwindled. Though that was discouraging for a while, our church rebounded because of faithful (albeit, poor) members who believe in what Central Dallas is all about and are willing to work to ensure it continues.

Hazel Baker enjoys writing plays. She's been working for many months now, pulling people together and finding a venue for the play. Her intent was to raise money for the women's ministry and the choir. Through ticket sales of $10 each, she helped raise around $800 for these two groups.

However, not only did Hazel raise money for the church, she created community. She, the cast, and the music ministry put their time and effort into creating a quality play. They didn't go begging for money from a rich donor. They utilized their own talents to create something of value. And then they worked hard to publicize--to the tune of an audience of 80+ people.

Inner cities have talents that don't get noticed near like they should. Sunday night was proof of that talent. I wish people who want to do good things for people in the inner city would take the time to get to know and be a part of what is already going on in the inner city and then either encourage or invest in and value the talents that already exist.

I know why I stay.

Life's challenges

A couple of years ago I was getting new tires at Discount Tire. The guy changing my tires recognized me. Though his face looked familiar, I wasn't sure where I knew him from. As we talked, I realized the last time I had seen him was at Central Dallas Church when he was probably 12 years old. (Kids change a LOT as they grow into young men and women!). We chatted for a little while and I encouraged him to come back and visit Central Dallas Church. I may have given him my card. I don't remember. I remember when his family was there before--mom, dad, brother, and two sisters--they were all wonderful people who were very involved. I didn't ever know what happened or why they left.

Monday, I had a message on my desk saying Rodrigo Sanchez (not his real name) called. The name didn't sound familiar, but when I called back Rodrigo reminded me who he was. Rodrigo is 22 years old now. He explained that he is really struggling. He said he tried to find our church, but since it had moved to the Washington Street location, he couldn't find it. He wants to "do something with his life." He wants to "get back on track." He thought Central Dallas Church would be a way to start.

Rodrigo began telling me what he's going through right now. He said he's been in "some trouble" but wants to get out of that. When I asked him what kind of trouble, he said he has a problem with drinking. He's ended up with a few assault charges--one was a felony, the other two got dropped to misdemeanors. He talked to me for about 30-45 minutes talking to me about what has happened to him over the years.

He explained that after the first or second assault charge, his probation prohibited him from using drugs. He gave up cocaine and some of the other hard drugs he had been using. When he tried to go back to them, he didn't feel the same so he decided to quit. He has been free from them for about 2 years. However, alcohol continues to be his vice. After the last assault charge, he woke up his sister the next day and asked her to go with him to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous).

Of course, with the felony, he has a hard time finding a job. His mom keeps telling him everything will be ok, but he realizes that unless he does something to change, it won't be. He doesn't want to be like he is. He expressed that over and over again. He's not sure how to get out of doing what he's doing, but he's trying. When he couldn't find the church, he called. He's meeting me this Thursday to go with me to the Bible study I go to on Thursdays, which is primarily geared toward ex-offenders.

He has two kids he wants to change for. I pray that his desire to do things different will continue. I pray that some of the resources I hope to hook him up with will be some that he can fit into and feel connected to. He's young. I know it's hard to try to make such a change when so many around him are continuing down a destructive path.

He's taking the initiative. He's already stopped using drugs. I know he has it in him to change the rest as well. Please pray for him.

Leadership

How do we find leaders? Are they born or are they developed?

Although there are born leaders, I believe there are leaders around us that many people do not see as leaders because they haven't discovered their own ability yet. I love watching people blossom. I think that's why I like Central Dallas so much. Most places look for leaders who have already demonstrated the ability to lead and whose skills are already refined. Central Dallas is different. Central Dallas takes us where we are and helps us become something we never knew we could be.

We have a small praise team at church. At church yesterday one of the ladies who normally blends in with the rest of the praise team sung the lead. She seemed to be a little nervous and somewhat timid. But if the past is any predictor of what will happen, I would say with a little time and a few more opportunities to be in the spotlight, her timidity will begin to disappear, her confidence will grow, and being in the lead will become old hat.

Over the last 11 years, I have watched Central Dallas grow...a lot! In the past, we sought out talent wherever we could find it. We each took on roles because we had to. Through that, we discovered a lot of hidden talents. As we get bigger at Central Dallas, it gets easier and easier to find already developed talent. I don't want to fall into that trap, though. I think it is important to have various degrees of talent; however, I hope we don't ever lose our focus of discovering undiscovered leaders.

My friend, Lagean

My friend, Lagean, had asked me to be a part of a new initiative she is starting at our church. I had pulled back from my involvement in church activities over the last couple of years. I was pretty burned out. For a long time, I worked with the kids and I felt like I was by myself in the effort (much of that may have been my own fault). As I mentioned in an earlier blog, our church struggled for a while. Our membership numbers dwindled. But Lagean hung on. She believed in our small church. She believed in what it offered people. She never quit.

Lagean hasn't always been where she is now in her spiritual journey. She will tell you that she has made some mistakes. Yet as our church struggled, Lagean stayed dedicated. She recruited people. She grew herself spiritually and she grew our church. And now she wants to get someething started for our teenagers.

When she asked me, my inside reaction was, "Ugh!" I told her that I would help, but I also told her the only reason I agreed to do it was because of her. Her perserverance, dedication, and friendship inspires me and makes it very difficult to say no.

I ended up having a work-related meeting scheduled at the same time. I thought I had conveniently gotten out of my responsibilities with Lagean. Then my meeting was cancelled. I couldn't lie to Lagean so I called her and told her I would be there. Her excitement and joy, simply because I was going to be present, made me feel special. But, then again, Lagean always makes me feel loved, appreciated, and needed.

Although the meeting started 30 minutes late (that usually bothers me), I enjoyed being in the company of some women leaders whom Lagean had chosen. She had taken the time to include a variety of ages, ethnicities, stages in life, stages in Christianity--and had already decided before we arrived what our roles would be according to our skills and talents. Lagean organized our initial meeting but, moving forward, she asked us all to make the decisions together.

Although I've worked in a leadership capacity and worked with kids and teens for the last 11 years, I could've never pulled that meeting together like Lagean did. I guess a lot of it is her dedication to people that makes us all willing to come out and help. It's her ability to see our assets and what each of us has to offer, instead of focusing on our deficits and what each of us still needs to work on--emotionally, spiritually, etc. Her approach seems the perfect way to build a church--draw on people's strengths and, in the meantime, help them develop beyond their weaknesses.

Since this is our first meeting, I'm not sure how the teen meetings will turn out. But from the meeting yesterday, I have a feeling that the teenagers might not be the only ones growing and learning from this ordeal. I have a feeling that in the process Lagean might be unknowingly (or maybe she has this already planned! :) ) building a strong women's group as well.

I truly am blessed to have a friend like Lagean.

Making a Difference

As I was sitting in church yesterday, I realized that sometimes success comes despite our "mess ups" as well as because of our efforts and good intentions.

This all occurred to me as I listened to a friend of mine lead the communion talk at church. He was reflecting on his past and was telling how five years ago he was unable to stand before a group of people and speak. I remember that time. He had recently gotten out of prison and I guess he hadn't ever really spoken in front of people. Each time he was asked to speak, it was obvious how nervous he was. I remember how we all encouraged him, somehow knowing even then how much he had to offer the rest of us. Some of the people who I think were instrumental in his success have since "messed up." However, despite the fact that some of his "mentors" slipped, he continued developing--spiritually and mentally. Today he is an amazing man who speaks at church, ministers in the prisons, mentors friends, and loves people.

I also thought of another friend who recently relapsed into his drug addiction. He had been clean for quite some time, had gotten married and was a strong leader of our church. When our church membership had dropped dramatically and was struggling a few years ago, he recruited friends and family members to not only attend, but to lead the choir, play the organ, paint the church, clean up after everyone was gone, etc. Yet just last week, he "messed up."

In both situations, leaders "messed up." Yet, in both situations those leaders, despite their faults, had nurtured longer term growth that continued despite their setbacks. Too many times, I think we expect everyone--especially leaders--to be perfect...to not mess up. And when they do, we kick them when they're down. We talk about them. We get disgusted at them. We leave them to fin for themselves in their biggest time of need. I'm not advocating that we excuse wrong behavior. I'm just suggesting that sometimes people know they've messed up

...real bad.

And sometimes what people need is someone to point out the things that they've done well...the footprints they've left and the legacy that continues because of them. And then we need to encourage them to get back up, dust themselves off, and get back on the right path.

I know I've made some big mistakes. However, it encourages me to know that despite me as well as because of me I have done some things right. It gives me hope. I need to know that when I mess up, I have a chance to redeem myself. God is much bigger than I am. In my good moments, when I have done something right, God uses those times to make ripple effects. People I have affected turn around and help others who help others, etc. I need to know that when I mess up, all is not lost. That gives me hope and gives me a reason to

get up,

dust off,

and continue.

Thank the Lord for grace.