Are my tax dollars being wasted?

Each day I have individual meetings with residents who live at CityWalk, an income-based apartment complex in the middle of downtown Dallas. I visit with people who have very little to their name. I haven't had a person yet tell me that they have over $1000 in assets (one of the questions that's asked on the self-sufficiency calculator we  do with people).

As I find out about people, I have realized that my tax dollars are at work helping people. It's a very meager existence and very challenging to survive on that little, but without it, I can't imagine what would happen to so many. If people have any income at all, it might be disability due to an injury or health condition or it might be social security because they're past their prime of working. The benefits for that *might* be around $500. Many of these individuals receive up to about $200 in food stamps, depending on the situation. Finally, they receive housing (i.e. CityWalk) that allows them to pay 30% of their income instead of rent that would probably be close to double their income if they were living somewhere else.

Receiving $500/month isn't the lap of luxury (and many don't receive even that much). I constantly try to figure out how people survive with even their basic needs on that amount...especially if they have children! I know tax dollars are tax dollars. It's my money providing a "living" (if you can call it that) for someone else. The people I've talked to aren't sitting back and enjoying the good life on your dollar. Much to the contrary. They are working to be content with what they receive, but they're trying to find jobs to supplement...or replace...their current income stream from the government (even though most people who find minimum wage jobs will still need that extra help because it will only replace one of their benefits, but will still leave them in poverty).

The way I see it, each of us pay taxes to do greater good than we could do alone. Yes, someone with little or no income might be exempt or might be paying less than I am. I am ok with that because I recognize that $100 out of someone's paycheck of $500 is much different than $100 out of someone's paycheck of $1500.

Right now, I pay taxes *and* I donate money. If I weren't paying taxes, I honestly doubt my donations would increase very significantly. (just being honest) Instead, I would see that as more money going back into my pocket to spend. Plus, if the money were given back to me, I think I would be overwhelmed with wondering which one person to use my money to offset their rent and food expenses...or wondering if I should, instead, donate $10 here and $10 there to spread it out trying to help everyone...and then wonder if $10 would do any good for anyone. I would much rather the money be taken out of my paycheck each pay period so that I can be sure my small contribution can be put in with everyone else's small (or large) contribution in order to help a much larger constituent of people.

Trust me, I'm not naive. I've been working in the non-profit sector for over 16 years now. I understand that there are those who use the system. It's absurd for me to try to tell you differently. In your volunteer efforts, you will undoubtedly meet the handful of people who may explain to you the benefits they receive, which only ensures you (by their actions and decision making skills) that your tax dollars are being wasted. Let me put that into perspective.

Yes, there are some who receive the benefits and are ok with surviving on the little they receive from us and may even abuse it by continuing to use drugs or something. Those are the most visible examples of our tax dollars being "wasted." I would argue that even those tax dollars aren't being wasted, but that's for a different post.

The thing that I think about when I think about how much my government tax contribution is able to stretch in combination with everyone else in this country are the people who *do* need that extra help.

What would happen to my 55-year old friend who is on disability if he didn't have the assistance? He doesn't have family who can help him because they, too, are working at minimum wage jobs. Where would he live? How would he eat? What would happen if he had a heart attack on the street from his rough life? Would he just die because no hospital would be required to serve him? Who would care?

What would happen to my 32-year old friend who has a 6-year old son? She is constantly looking for a job...any job...but can't seem to find one who will hire her. She wants to go back to school to become a nurse. Without government assistance (i.e. financial aid), that dream would absolutely never be a reality because she has no job to pay for it to help her move further along. What would she eat? How would she feed her child? What happens when she gets some kind of treatable illness (like maybe thyroid issues...or diabetes), but can't take care of them? What happens to her son when she can't care for him any more? How does he (or she) get food? How does she feed her son healthy foods so that he doesn't get diabetes?

For those who want less (even minuscule) government and want people to provide for themselves, I have a hard time believing they have thought through these things and are willing to say, "Let them starve," or "Let them die." If they have and are still willing to say that, I am very concerned about their humanity. Does that kind of cruelty really exist in our country? Surely not. I have to believe that we are not that inhumane.

If my tax dollars can eek out survival for those I just mentioned, I truly am not as concerned about the much smaller but much more visible handful who convince us that our tax dollars are being wasted.

Contemplating Wealth

I just spent a week in Mexico at an all-inclusive resort. I made it through most of the week without thinking about anything except the book I was reading. Those thoughtless moments never seem to last long. By the end of the week, I was back in my processing/thinking/pondering mode. Yes, we had gotten a good deal on an all-inclusive resort...but the bottom line was that I was still spending a lot of money on myself. I tried to think about the fact that Mexico survives on tourism and me spending money there employs quite a few people. That is a true fact. However, I also thought about how much money I spend on myself and how little so many other people make who will never be able to enjoy the luxuries I do.

As I talked to our shuttle driver on the way back to the airport, he explained minimum wage in Mexico. He told me their minimum wage is per day. If you work an eight-hour day, you make $55 pesos. During spring break months (February-March), when he is working 14-16 hours a day, six days/week, they receive $110 pesos/day. I guess that's something like time and a half...except he's not just working 12 hours/day like he explained to me, he may work up to 16! While we were in Mexico, the exchange rate was $12.70. That's $4.33/day...or $8.66/day during the three high season months of spring break! That boggled my mind so I looked it up to make sure I understood him correctly. Yep. Here it is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_minimum_wages_by_country

A friend of mine suggested maybe that smaller minimum wage was kind of ok because things are cheaper in Mexico. Maybe it's possible to rationalize that but with the amount we had to spend on things, I can't see it. My chair hammock cost me $20. I looked it up online and it would cost $77 here. So, yes, that's a lot cheaper...for me. My guess is it's the tourists and not the locals who are buying hammocks though. I also went out to eat at a local restaurant off the beaten path (not in the tourist area at all). Our meal cost about $30 (USD) for three of us (with tip). We each had a regular plate of food and a soda (one person had a beer instead of a soda). For someone in Mexico, that one meal would be two and a half days of work!

I mentioned the Mexican minimum wage to a friend of mine. He was just as baffled as I was. He said he wished more people realized how minuscule their wages are. He believed if they did, they would tip more. I'm not so sure. When I was in college, I took a mission trip to Africa. I remember the missionaries there telling us, "People only make about 75 cents/day so when you go to the market, don't let them fool you and talk you into paying more." It made sense to me at the time. I guess the rationale was to not throw the economy off by doing something like tripling or quadrupling someone's wage or lifestyle by being a clueless American tourist. I'm not so sure that rationale makes sense to me now. Why not pay for the services rendered and tip them adequately and why barter them down to nothing since they're barely surviving anyway? Why is the goal, in a third world or lower income country, for us to see how low we can bargain people down on their prices when the price is already cheap for us anyway?

When someone is making $4.33/day in a country we don't consider third world, is it any wonder why they might want to cross the border and hopefully do better for their family? Is it any wonder why Mexican people are willing to work the jobs no one else does in our country...even if they were engineers, attorneys, and business owners in their own country? We are willing to take advantage of what they offer us in their country. Why aren't we willing to return that favor by welcoming them into ours? It seems like a double standard to me.

What is hope?

When I started working at CityWalk, I was still sad over losing our education program at Roseland. Working with kids providing me such hope. I loved seeing the gears turn in little brains and I loved watching lightbulbs go on when they figured out something new. As they grew up and went through high school and then college, they couldn't always identify why they did what they did but I know that some of the now young adults who are majoring in political science or communication once went through our summer program where they were introduced to politicians and exposed to civil rights. I know that the young adults who went on to become educators were once teachers in our summer and after-school programs. I could see the connections and knew what we did was impacting lives.

That reality has been much harder for me to see at CityWalk. All I could see were the adults who didn't have jobs or who struggled because they didn't have the education and skills needed as a child...things that we were providing in our after-school and summer programs. All I could see were mental health, substance abuse, and the inability to interact with people appropriately...and all I knew was that I didn't have the knowledge or resources to help them. Don't get me wrong, I knew and have always known that the majority of people are great people who are struggling. I just had a hard time seeing that we, the Community Life team, were any more than a group that provided activities to make the residents of CityWalk more comfortable and make life more enjoyable in spite of their circumstances.

Over the last couple of months, my mindset has shifted. I took a trip to Common Ground in New York to see their permanent supportive housing, the original pattern for CityWalk. I met with Roseanne Haggerty, the founder, and received some tips. I learned that case management, despite my past 16 years of trying to deny my social work background, was crucial to helping people improve their life. I came back and began working toward implementing the new ideas.

We put into place a system that uses the Self-Sufficiency Calculator to assess income and expenses and helps us identify other resources that might be available to people--like SNAP (food stamps), TANF, child health insurance, free phone, and other resources. We use this as a tool to help people shift their resources and begin to become more self-reliant. For example, if someone is paying $43 for a Metro PCS phone, they can apply for the free phone. They have to limit their talking to 250 minutes/month and no text messages, but they free up $43, which can now be used toward bus passes to help them look for a job or get to work. If they apply for and receive food stamps, they can purchase healthier food for their children that then allows their child's brain to develop better and allows them to focus more in school. We help them shift their resources and problem solve how to best capitalize on and utilize those resources.

The second thing we do with each resident/neighbor is the Outcomes Star. This is a tool that allows us to start the conversation with people about where they are on motivation and taking responsibility, self-care and living skills, managing money, social networks and relationships, drug and alcohol misues, physical health, emotional and mental health, meaningful use of time, managing tenancy, and offending. This is an opportunity to ask people, "Where do you think you are on this?" and starts a conversation that allows them to tell us without us making any judgment calls or assumptions. Once a person starts talking, we are able to think about resources, programs, and events that they may be able to access.

Enter: Hope.

After meeting with around 30 CityWalk neighbors over the past few months, I am beginning to see how hope can take over. Yesterday we met with one of our neighbors who had missed two of our appointments previously. Admittedly, I was frustrated with his lack of follow through. We had a cancellation, though, so we worked him in. I could sense his resistance when we first sat down...as has also happened with a few other people. (no one wants to be "case managed") As we started the conversation, he insisted that he was at a "10" on each item we discussed...yet, he had no job, no income, and was struggling to stay in school because he had no bus pass to get there. The more we talked and gently redirected him to examine the "3" or "4" rating based on different conversations we'd had with him, he began to agree...until he, at one point frustratedly explained, "I'm stuck! Yeah, I'm just stuck!" It was at that point, I felt like, we were able to help him connect to the resources we had to offer.

Sometimes those meetings frustrate me, too. I don't have any jobs to give. I can't fix a childhood of inadequate education. I don't have money to pay rent or a childcare center that offers free daycare. But what's happening is once people tell us more about themselves, we are able to connect them with some resources that are at the root of their problems. For some who don't have access to health care, that has been the free medical resources available in the building through a doctor who comes once a week. For others, it's the Metrocare mental health services that can also be accessed within the building (instead of having to figure out transportation across town) to help with the depression that has set in. We are able to connect people to our bible studies, game days, and community meetings and, thus, connect them to each other. We are able to converse about adult literacy issues and how we can help them walk through that process. We are able to advocate with and for them on issues that have gotten so overwhelming and frustrating that they have nearly thrown up their hands and quit trying.

A person may originally agree to meet with us thinking that if they do they will get their rent paid. However, after sitting with us for a while, they walk out without any money in hand, but with a hope that they now might have medical care, friends, productive ways to spend their time, and the connections needed to help them move forward and at least get them started.

What is hope? Dictionary.com defines is as, "the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best."

Hope is a start. Hope is the ability to look toward something. Hope is looking at my checklist in life and beginning to work through the small things in order to prepare me for the big things. Hope is knowing I'm not a lost cause.

Hope is CityWalk.

Wham! Bam! Islam!

As I flipped through my DVR'd shows to find something to watch, I saw that I had a new PBS Independent Lens episode. These days I mostly look for lighter shows...something I can veg while watching...so I usually skip over the Independent Lens recordings. However, the Wham! Bam! Islam! title caught my eye.

I watched, intrigued by the efforts of an Islamic man who has/is creating superheroes and role models that allow kids (and adults) to reframe what we've come to believe is the crux of Islam. "The idea was to offer new role models of superheroes born of Middle East history and Islamic archetypes that possess values shared by the entire world."


The TED video (above) talks about how the superheroes we all ascribe to in the United States (Superman, Batman, Spiderman) stemmed from religious origins related to the Christian faith. Naif Al-Mutawa wanted to do the same with Islam. Creating Islamic superheroes will hopefully do a few things...shift our understandings to the true focus of Islam, help us to see how basic human values cross all cultures, and help us envision brown people as superheroes instead of villanizing brown people in our society and creating unfounded fears.

The website offers a free, downloadable comic book. I struggled with the names and certain references as I read through it. Some of the concepts went over my head. I want to double check the concept with some of my Islamic friends, but my guess is that the words and references in the comics make perfect sense to those who came from an Islamic background. Maybe it's time for the rest of us to move away from our own ethnocentricity, step out of our own comfort zone, and attempt to understand history and beliefs that are much like our own, but with a different heritage. I know it would be of benefit to me to read these comics and begin to gain an understanding of the story line, if for no other reason to be able to have more knowledge about a culture that is very foreign to me, yet one that has had amazing influence in our current society.

We are in a place in our society where I have no doubt that our conversations about Islam in our American society will continue. As we make judgments about the religion and the people who ascribe to it, it is only fair to have both sides of the story...just as those of us who are Christians hope people look at both sides of the story when people like the Norwegian man write 1500-page manifestos using his Christian faith as justification.

You can find more info in the New York Times article.

Here's a free sample comic book: The 99: Origins.

Life After Prison is Hard

I haven't written in a while...and this is not originally what I had planned to post on my first blog back. But, I "friended" one of my "kids" on Facebook when I saw that he made a comment on his brother's page. I haven't talked to him in quite some time. After he accepted my friendship, he wrote and asked me how I was doing. I gave him a quick response and asked about him. This is what I received in return:

Well i just relized... life as an adult is hard. I so missed the days at camp and comin to ur house to play around.everything now is just so complicated u know.i went to the pen. For sellin drugs. Did 3 & a half years. Now im out.have been 4 about 2 months and lookin 4 work. Its so hard u know.ur suppose to come out with this view of how the world is so beautiful and anything is possible when thats not the way it is at all. I want 2 work and no one will let me when i didnt want 2 work everyone offered me jobs!! For the first time since i was a kid im strugglin. I dont know what to do.i do know that if i return to my old methods of gettin money i will make plenty but at what cost.so most days i pray until i cant knees hurt and other days i think until my heart hurts.but pain is growth so im growin.but im bleesed and i know this just waitin 4 my miracle.and im full of joy it may not sound like it but i am. Ive seen a lot and didnt close my eyes heard a lot expanded my mind hurt a lot but grew stronger with time

He is probably in his mid-20s now. He grew up with a mother who was always either strung out on drugs, looking for drama, or looking for the next way to get drugs. He was raised by his dad. I don't know the full extent of his environment there, but I know it wasn't probably the best or easiest home situation either.


It is because of people like him that I feel second chances are important. It's because of statements like these that make me realize that being a part of a system that does everything in it's power to prevent people from voting, getting a job, living in an apartment, isn't a just system. It doesn't mean that after 15 years of doing the wrong thing, he would all of a sudden be the perfect citizen. But when he has paid his dues as deemed by the courts, he should at least get an opportunity to try to do it right. Unfortunately, our system makes it extremely hard to do that.

A Child's Survival Three Years Later

Once a year, a friend of mine gives me a set of four tickets to the Texas Rangers baseball game. The seats, which are are not too far behind home plate and slightly down the first-base line are pretty cool and allow for a great, up-close view of the field. Though I have taken friends in the past, a lot of times my friends could really care less about baseball and are just there because I asked them to go. I would much rather take a kid or teenager who can enjoy a new experience and learn about the sport I grew up loving.

At the last minute, I had one ticket left and I thought to ask Aaron (not his real name) a 9-year old whose mother was killed three years ago. I hadn't spent time with him in quite a while and I thought a baseball game would be perfect.

As soon as I got to his house, he bounded out and gripped me in a strong, tight hug saying, "I missed you!!" We hurried into the car, hoping to get there in time to see Dirk throw out the first pitch. As we drove, Aaron talked non-stop. He told me that science is his favorite subject, that he was now doing martial arts a lot and has a purple belt, that his sister was home (she's stayed with her dad ever since her mother's death), that he's no longer in football, that he has a Big Sister through Big Brothers Big Sisters, and that he gets in trouble because the teacher thinks it's always him causing the problems, but the teacher gets him confused with another boy in the class (which I thought was a very amusing way of looking at it!).

As we walked to the ballpark, he would periodically grab me to give me a big hug saying, "I miss you so much!" While we were in the seats, he put his arm around me and told me, "I just want to stay like this for a little while." When I told him I appreciated the hug but couldn't take the heat with him leaning on me, he responded with, "Yeah, I know. I'm hot, too. So just for one more minute...maybe less...and I'll be done."

Aaron has always been a hugger. He's also always been one to get in trouble and to be incredulous when you discipline him for something. He's always been active. And he's always very well behaved and listens well when we're together one-on-one. Tonight was no different...or so I thought.

We watched the game, tried to catch foul balls, and got fries after the 7th inning stretch. As the game was about to be over, Aaron turned to me and said, "I'll never forget this night," in his always very appreciative manner. He told me, "I know I won't see you again for a long time and I'm going to miss you soooo much!! I already know!" which drew a kind smile from the lady below us.

At the end of the game, we realized it was a fireworks night at the ballpark...and the Rangers have the best fireworks shows! So, excited to see it myself and to share it with the kids who were with me, I called their parents/grandparents and we stayed.

The fireworks show lasted about 20-30 minutes. We sang along with all of the current songs they played and bee-bopped in our chairs. I noticed Aaron had gotten really still. As the lights came back up, I looked over at him and his eyes were glossy with tears. I asked if he was ok. He said he was sad. He said he was thinking about his mom. My heart clenches and my eyes fill with tears thinking about it. He was six when he lost her. Three years later, he still longs for her presence.

As I reached out for him, he burst into tears. I had too much stuff in my lap. The seats were between us. I hugged him for a minute, but wanted to pull him closer and let him cry. By the time I emptied my lap and was ready to take him into my arms, he had composed himself.

I wanted to hold him. I wanted to let him cry. I wanted to be there for him if only for a minute. But he's a strong kid. He pulled himself together and showed no sign of breaking down again. It wasn't a toughened approach. He simply pulled himself together. He knew what he was feeling. He just wasn't crying about it. It breaks my heart to think he couldn't and probably won't ever get to empty himself of all of his tears.

As we walked up the stairs, he turned to me, "I'm sad." I asked if he wanted a hug and he nodded. I gave him a huge hug...so big it lifted him off the ground and carried him up a couple of stairs. He laughed and told me he could top that and proceeded to squeeze me beyond a 9-year old's strength. We laughed a little more but as we continued walking to the car, he told me a few more times that he was thinking of his mom.

I told him that my best friend lost her mom when she was nine and she's now 39 and she still thinks about her mom all of the time. (You can read her reflection about her mom here.) I wanted to comfort him, but didn't know how. He often says some violent things and referred to them then as he angrily talked about the "stupid idiot" who shot his mother. I wanted to agree with him, but tried to do it in a way that encouraged him to re-direct his anger in a way that wasn't violent so he could help other kids when he grows up.

Once in the car, he continued to tell me some things and I felt like if we spent more time together, he may confide in me more...which actually scares me a little since I don't know that I have the skills to deal with all that goes on in his mind. He talked about seeing his counselor each week, but I'm not sure he feels the same confidence in a counselor as he does in an adult who used to be his mom's friend.

I don't know how to help him. I know I need to spend more time with him. I know I need to love him. I know from his willingness to confide in me that he wants to talk about it. I want others to know him, too. I want his teachers to b able to act and re-act accordingly...without lowered expectations.

He lives with his granny and has an unwavering love and appreciation for her. But he still needs to feel the unconditional love that only a mother can give. I want him to know that her love is inside of him, even though I know that knowledge can't fill the void. I want him to feel complete so that he can grow and develop and be everything he ever or she ever wanted him to be.

I know there are other Aaron's all around me...and my prayers go for them as well.

The Perfect Teacher

I often get frustrated about our education system. I am bothered by what our kids are forced to learn and what they aren't learning. I hate that kids miss out on so much experiential, meaningful learning because of the multiple choice bubbles they have to learn to fill in.

Reading this essay from Larry James' grand daughter gave me so much hope. My hope is that every teacher who reads this realizes what is important and meaningful to children and what even 3rd graders recognize is important to making our world a better place.


The Perfect Teacher
By: Gracie Toombs


There are many kinds of teachers. Some tall, some small. Some Teachers just speak matter of fact like. Some teachers just Teac the way Textbooks tell them to. But the best teacher’s lessons don’t come from a textbook. Her lessons come from her heart. If you were uneasy, mad or sad—the perfect teacher comforts you. She loves each and every child for who he or she is. This year, I am one of the 21 fortunate third graders who are in her class. I like all teachers, but this year, she has stood out to me. She opened up her heart to every student in my class. She has taught us sooo much this year. Sure, she’s taught us reading and math. But that’s not the most important thing. She has taught us about protests in the middle east and the struggle in Japan and how it effects us. For black history month, she had us memorice speeches about Seggregation and Women’s rights. While the other classes were just reading from textbooks, we were there—at theose freedom marches and protests. For earth day, We helped the world by making New paper from recycled paper. We also planted sprouts, While all the other classes jus colored bookmarks. We gave water to people in Africa through The water project.com. She has taught us life skills: kindess, love, Peace, organization, and sefl esteem. But those aren’t the most important thing she did for us. She has told us to stand up to injustice, that we could be anything we wanted, and the we can change the world. But it is not us. It’s her. The other classes may say they learn more then us but you can go up to any one of them and ask them about protests in the middle east, or the struggle in Japan or about changing lives in Africa or about life skills or about standing up for what we believe in and trust me, They won’t know as much as WE do. Sometimes it only takes ONE TEACHER tho change the whole world. And that teacher is my third grade teacher MISS CORNETT.


note: All writing and spelling was typed in just as Gracie had it on her paper.

Beware of Typos!

One of my big pet peeves is seeing grammar mistakes in professional arenas...whether that's billboards, websites, books, signs, menus, etc. It makes me wonder about the quality of the organization or company behind it. Do they not have spell check? Are they not competent enough to know they missspelled? If that company is willing to put something out without checking it, should I frequent that business? It makes me question their quality and truly turns me off. One of my friends and I call it PDI (Public Display of Incompetency).

Of course, I realize it makes me more susceptible to critique as well. But, personally, I would much rather someone tell me I have a grammar error so I can correct it and learn from it...and hopefully not do it again. So, when I saw these guys going across the country correcting, it made me smile. Maybe I can get my own correction kit the next time they're in town selling their book.

"Do you have good religion?"

Ever since reading The Children, by David Halberstam, I've been a huge fan of Rev. James Lawson. (Did I mention huge?? Completely in awe of him, might be more accurate.) So, I was excited when I got to church last Sunday and noticed that he was the scheduled preacher of the day. As expected, he did not disappoint.

"Do you have good religion?" he started. The topic already interested me.

"I know God has a hand on my life, but I have questions about what religion has convinced me to believe," he continued. I'm quickly getting sucked in and started wondering, "How is he going to break this down...and what is he going to say that I can apply to my life?"


It was very apparent to me that Dr. Lawson doesn't live in his Civil-Rights-hero past. He is very much in the present. However, to illustrate his point, he told about his experience on the Freedom Ride. He explained that during the stop where they were beaten and then arrested and put in jail, they experienced a lot of hatred and terrible actions. While in jail, they dealt with one guard in particular who was terribly abusive. Yet, even while experiencing the hatred and evil that came from him, Dr. Lawson recognized, "This man is a neighbor according to Jesus."

Wow. My faith just came alive again! All of a sudden, I had a new realization of what I do and why I do it! In the incidents I briefly explained in my last post, the drug dealer is a neighbor. The guy who was so "out there" on drugs that he traumatized several people is a neighbor. The guy who jumped me a few years ago for a few dollars is a neighbor.

Dr. Lawson went on to explain how they approached the situation in the jail cell. "We will try to treat that man the way he did not treat himself," he told everyone and then explained to the guard, "You are still a child of God and we will still treat you as our neighbor."

Again, wow. That is powerful stuff!

And what was the result of their actions? 

Change.

Did it work for everyone? No. Was it over night? No. Is racial reconciliation perfect today? No. But by approaching everyone as a child of God, what Dr. Lawson realized was that, "We have the opportunity to help our neighbor and to help them come alive--NOT by asking them if they have been saved!"

Dr. Lawson realized that the most powerful way to demonstrate Christ is not to ask if they've been saved or to work on "saving" them. After all, we can't save someone else, anyway, can we? The most powerful demonstration of Christ is to treat the person like a neighbor who doesn't even treat himself that way.

Our world is different today because of what people like Dr. Lawson did back then. How can I do my part today to make the world different for the generation behind me? The lesson is no different and it is no small statement.

Treat even the seemingly most "untreatable" as my neighbor.

"I bet that's a rewarding job!"

Often, when I tell people that I work for CitySquare, a non-profit, and explain the job I do either with kids or adults, a pretty common response is, "I bet that is such a rewarding job!"

Ninety percent of the time I whole-heartedly agree. It is a very rewarding job in many senses. However, what I often think people who say that have no idea of the challenges, time, and effort that it takes to get to those "rewarding" moments.

This has been one of those weeks where I believe there is no executive that has as much emotional and physical involvement in their work to deserve their million dollar salaries...and that if our society is to work, we truly should tip it on it's head. The people in direct service to the community deserve the million dollar salaries and the execs sitting in their comfortable, air conditioned offices dictating what happens so that they can increase their bottom line (i.e. their pockets) should be the ones making the salaries well under $100K. (And if any execs are out there reading this, I only half-heartedly apologize.). If you know me, I'm not a money person at all...and I don't think that upping our salaries would change anything about what we do. But the way we value people in "high places" is so absolutely backward!

But back to my week...

I always hesitate to tell anyone about the challenging side of my job because I know these one-time events usually create defining moments for people who like to tell others about why they don't live in low-income communities and why they're so scary. So, just to put perspective here, I have been at CityWalk for three months now and it has been a pretty calm community from everything I've been a part of. On the flip side, Keller, TX (a very wealthy suburb) recently had a fatal stabbing right in the middle of a street just last week...so craziness happens everywhere...and drugs are irrespective of neighborhoods...and affect everyone around them. I could go on about the comparisons, but I'll save that for another post.

This week started by events that led to an intervention with a drug dealer/user who was conning people for money. I knew the dealer fairly well (though didn't realize he was dealing...or using). As that situation grew, I then ended up working to calm the people he had conned from doing harm to him, potentially causing them to risk their own housing and well-being. Later in the week, we were forced to confront a very serious situation where several people were nearly physically harmed and definitely emotionally harmed because of a man who decided to use a substance much more serious than alcohol or marijuana. There was definitely more to that situation and to the week, but I don't have the energy to retell it all. Just know it was a physically and emotionally challenging week.

As I ranted to a friend about my physically and emotionally trying week I became even more overwhelmed and more emotional when I realized that none of it included the regular job duties I still have to accomplish...like outcomes reports, grant reports, managing new interns, getting our webpage ready, and so much more that seems so trivial in the whole scheme of things, but that becomes so much more important to someone who wants to know what we're accomplishing. So, even though this week and these situations have brought out my own realizations of vulnerabilities that I need to process and deal with, by Monday I still have to get together those reports for the other entities involved.

Working "on the ground" is not for everyone. Events like those that have happened this week remind me  that good intentions, a soft heart, and a giving spirit is not enough...and not necessarily what our communities need. We must have a strong commitment to spotting leadership and working with people to equip them with the resources they need to fulfill their goals. We must believe in creating safe communities with and for the people in those communities as much as we want them for ourselves. We must listen to our neighbors to know which systems and activities in the community need to be challenged. We must work with them and for them to challenge broken systems that are in place...despite the resistance that I promise you will face if you are fighting with and for people in poverty. We must create relationships with all people so that those who have been hurt so long can trust us and those who are hurting themselves will understand that we have such a love and concern that we are here to help when they get ready...though also letting them know that may not mean they get to be a part of our stuff in the meantime. For some, we have to remove them from our programs until they are ready so that their behaviors don't hinder the majority who simply need resources, information, and guidance, and are so ready to access what is available. We must realize coddling and charity doesn't help long term progress.

After weeks, days, and/or moments like I've had this week, I could give up. I haven't quite felt like that, but I have contemplated getting to my bed, pulling the covers over my head, and curling up in a fetal position. First hand experience with these incidents definitely makes me realize how messed up our world is. It makes me realize how little I am in this world. I've had moments of being extremely irritated at God for this stupid idea of "free will." But these moments also makes me pray, reflect, and refocus.

Every time stuff like this happens, though, I am always reminded of the rest of the people in the community who have no choice but to deal with those kinds of things on a more regular basis than I do because of their income...because of the broken systems...because of their lack of connections.

It is because of them, I see hope.

This morning when Mr. McCoy's name popped up on my phone, I was very tempted not to answer. Yet, when I did, he simply wanted to know the time for the Financial Education classes that are starting in a few weeks. He and Ms. Leslie (who have already graduated from the class) are recruiting people...on a Saturday morning...in the lobby at CityWalk...without any of the rest of us there.


Now that's leadership!


That's progress!


That demonstrates what our community is all about.


That defines our community.

And that is what keeps me going.

It's the Mr. McCoy's and Ms. Leslie's of our community (and there are a lot of them) who deserve a safe community with lots of opportunities and activities. Because of them, this tough week is just a fading spot on the radar.

They are the reason I continue.