Learning from Precious

Have you seen the movie Precious? If not, it's a must-see. But not just for a night out. Precious exists to pique our conscious. Read the book as well. The movie stays pretty true to the book, but the book provides even more insight.

I wanted to watch the movie because several years ago one of the teenagers were sitting in my apartment. We were having some kind of serious discussion and one of them mentioned that she had been sexually molested by her mother's boyfriend. One by one, the other girls spoke up...“Me, too…me, too…me, too…”

I had no idea what to do. We worked to try to get the most recent one to counseling but her grandmother resisted and her mother denied it had ever happened.

More recently one of them text'd me to let me know she was ok, but she had just tried to commit suicide. I couldn't believe it. She's in college and she had just told me how well she was doing! She explained that she had repressed her memories, but knew she needed to know. When her sister told her what all had happened, she couldn't take the reality. The residual of what happened when she was four or five years old still haunts her.

Just the other day when I was telling another young adult about my idea to have one of the girls I know speak about their situation in hopes of helping another young teenager speak out, she explained that she had also been sexually abused. She went on to tell me she knew of quite a few others who had been victims as well.

Why????????

I don’t understand! Where do these sick, sick men come from?? And why can’t we stop them??

I had heard one time that 75% of women…or maybe it was 75% of African-American women had been sexually abused. 75%! That’s 3 out of 4 women! And I would guess most times that abuser is never brought to justice because the women were too scared and unsure to tell when they were kids and by the time they became adults they felt like there was nothing that could be done. I've heard mothers say, "It happened to me and I'm fine so you will be, too." ...and they don't realize how it has manifested itself in so many other ways in their life.

As I read the book, I've been bothered even more. Precious didn’t know how to read until she was 16 and was, by chance, put into an alternative program. She thinks so little of herself because her mother always called her stupid and ugly. She was fat because of her mother's abusiveness toward her. She was raped not only by her own father, but she was also molested by her own mother.

I think about other kids I’ve known. I wonder what I *don't* know about their situations.

I think about a girl I knew who was sexually abused by her mother's boyfriend for so long. I wonder about her sister. I wonder if that's why she was always a slow learner. I wonder what a pre-GED program and literacy program could have and could still do for her today.

I’m so happy that we finally have teen programs at Central Dallas. I’m happy that we have young adults working with the teenagers who have been in their shoes. They know what the teens have gone through and they can relate to them in ways I never could.

But I am not satisfied.

We have to do more.

I have known so many adults who graduated from high school who are illiterate. After watching Precious, I wonder now if some of their childhood situations may have contributed in a much bigger way than we realize.

We are doing what we can, on a small scale, with the elementary kids and the teenagers. But we need a program that works on literacy. We need a pre-GED program. We need counselors--not the school referrals that send kids to counseling but only allow them three visits...not the school counselors (because they only administer tests and aren't real counselors anymore) ...and not the fly-by-night counseling services that come through the inner-city neighborhoods to make a buck, take on clients for a limit time until their funding runs out, and without even having the counseling ethics to tell a parent or client that they will be leaving, they disappear.

We need more programs like the ASA, Teen U, the Library, and Digital Connectors. Programs that exist for the long haul. Programs that don’t disappear. Programs that have such dedicated staff who care about the future of the kids and adults in the community. Programs that offer solutions instead of just pointing out the problems.

We’ve got to do more. Not just in Dallas, but everywhere.

I don’t know what that is just yet. I haven't figured out what we will start next. But I know we’ve got to do more.

Lessons from Gran Torino

SPOILER ALERT!!! If you haven't seen Gran Torino and plan to, you may not want to read this post just yet. If you haven't, I highly recommend you see it. Once you have, please comment and add your own reflections to this list.
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Here are some of my reflections and little life lessons from Gran Torino.

You can "kill" (win over) people with kindness. I was impressed with Sue's ability to see past a grouchy old man and his racist comments. Sue was wise enough to know she had something to offer Walt. He needed the unconditional love her family, and the community, offered him...and he eventually figured out he had much to offer as well.

Look deeper than the surface. Sue did this. Not only did she look past the racist comments herself, but she took Walt into her world to challenge her own family to get past their assumptions about him and challenged him to get past his assumptions about the Hmong. She was a great teacher who saw something more. As a result, his honesty and lack of tact challenged her and her brother to make wiser choices to live up to their own worth and value.

Little things done in and by the community make big changes. In the Hmong culture, family name was important so Tao had to work for Walt to bring credibility back to their name. Though every culture may not see this the same way and neighbors may not provide free labor, I think of my dad who always hired a teenager or two from the community to work on the farm with him. Teenagers are cheap labor and working (especially when we work alongside them) provides great life-lessons--even when just raking leaves, fixing small household issues, or doing a small project.

Doing something for someone else benefits everyone. When Walt couldn't think of anything for Tao to do, he sent him across the street to fix the neighbor's eye-sore house. It was a perfect fit...Tao had to do free labor...neighbor's homes were in disrepair--maybe because of lack of time, lack of money, or lack of knowledge of how to repair...and Walt had time, tools, and knowledge of repairing. Walt was being self-serving because he didn't like looking at the eye-sore, but in the process, he created "community" because other neighbors came to him asking putting in their suggestions for what else Tao could do. The effort became a win-win for everyone.

Sometimes evil is just evil. I kept thinking Walt's efforts with Tao would somehow win over the gang members. I wanted them to change. I hoped for the happy ending. But sometimes that behavior has to be brought out and purged from the community...even if they are relatives and close friends.

Relationships have more impact than retaliation. Purging from the community is hard. Fear is part of it; wanting to believe they can change is another part. Tight-lipped is not limited to the Hmong. But the deep sense of love and concern won over. I know the police don't always come. And even when you can point out who did something, it doesn't always result in arrests. However, I believe that a deep sense of caring and concern for each other, stimulated by a passion for justice, can change that.

I know there are other lessons that I may be missing. I'd love to hear yours.

Going to the movies...retro style!

The last time I went to a drive-in movie was in 1979. We watched one of the Star Wars movies. Yep...quite a while ago.

They were going out of style then. But I think, on some level, they are coming back.

I saw the Ennis theater (Galaxy Drive In) on a late night trip back from Houston one night. All four screens were showing...a very cool scene from the window of a bus driving down the freeway. So, when my friend asked if I wanted to go, I couldn't wait!


We went early so we could get a good spot. The movie doesn't start until 9:00, but they play 50s music from the movie speakers and have a little putt-putt golf course to keep early patrons entertained.

Everything is pretty cheap, too! They keep their movie prices cheap by making money on their concessions...you can't take food or drinks in. However, even their in-house prices are cheap...$3 for a game of mini-golf, $6 for a movie (you can't beat that!), and very reasonable food prices on sno-cones, Dippin' Dots, hamburgers, funnel cakes, and so much more!

But don't make a trip out there without having cash on hand...they only take cash.

It took about 30 minutes from my South Dallas home...not much further than driving across the city to a mall or a restaurant. Despite the retro feel of the place, the movies were all current run movies.

It was a little warm at first, but after the movie got going, the evening breeze actually made it very comfortable.

I can't wait to go back! If you want to do something different or like new (old) experiences, take a short trip south of Dallas and enjoy a fun, retro evening with friends.

Quinceñera

I watched a great movie last night. Quinceañera presents several different issues--from gay culture to Latino culture to gentrification. The movie does a good job of presenting how gentrification affects the people (most often people who have little financial means and are people of color) who live in the communities that are being gentrified. I would highly recommend it. Below is a summary and a link. Check it out:

Quinceañera remarkably won both the Grand Jury Prize and the Audience Award at this year’s Sundance Film Festival, and is directed by breakout filmmakers Richard Glatzer and Wash Westmoreland. This profoundly moving drama depicts the uniqueness of Latino culture and follows Magdalena (Emily Rios), a fifteen year old girl getting ready for her big Quinceañera celebration. But when an unexpected pregnancy leads her to be banished from her parents’ home, she moves in with her grand-uncle and troubled cousin and becomes part of a makeshift family that must stand up to social stigmas and encroaching urban gentrification that threatens their neighborhood and their culture.

Click here to go to the Quinceñera website.

Click here to listen to Latino USA's report on the movie.