Tweets that make me smile

Snow/Ice Day #5.

It's the 5th day Dallas ISD has taken in the last two weeks and I'm loving every minute of it! I curl up in my chair, put my computer on my lap, and journal...while checking tweets periodically.

This morning as I went back and forth between Twitter and writing, I noticed a tweet in my timeline that said, "I gt 2 get da hang of this.......idk wht im doin......." I didn't recognize the name and there was just the generic egg that Twitter shows when the user has no picture.

I moved on.

A few minutes later, I checked Twitter again. This time I saw another tweet from the same user:

@onji1908 hey im hayzul's nd monteyvion's mom nd i js wnt 2tell u u r doing a great job thx for all u do

That tweet created my a-ha moment. It's Kim! Her kids are in our After-School Academy! I smiled...and am still smiling...for two reasons:

First, the tweet was from a parent in our neighborhood directed to the principal of the school. That's huge! It's huge because this is a new principal. It's been a while since the principal of the school has had any kind of relationship with the community. For a parent to make her first tweet a shout out to the principal is HUGE! Nice job, Ms. Brown!

Second, it tells me what can happen when our parents and communities have access to technology. Technology bridges gaps in so many ways.

Thanks, Kim, for making my day.

Meeting Ms. Martin

Getting out of the office is always the best thing I do. It's not the most productive in terms of what needs to get crossed off my to do list, but it oftentimes feels way more productive and beneficial than checking off the list of things I need to do for work.

So, I was happy to show off our programs on a tour. Guests are always impressed by the way all of our youth greet with a formal handshake, eye contact, and, "How are you today?" Because we expect the kids to greet every new person they see, it also challenges me to do the same. So, as we toured, I introduced myself to an adult who walked in.

She introduced herself as Rose Martin, David's mother. I knew immediately who she was talking about. David will be 6 years old next month. He is enrolled in the After-School Academy. I hear funny stories about David all the time because he answers with incessant stream of consciousness when you ask him a question. His stream of consciousness talking makes you think his brain is working so much faster than he can tell you, but he's going to keep talking until he gets his point across. Though David talks a lot, his verbal skills are not that great. He is a little difficult to understand. However, like just about any person, when you listen long enough, you begin to understand everything he says.

Knowing all of that, I never expected what Ms. Martin told me. After our introduction she explained she was there to pick up David. She went on to thank us for what we are doing. She explained that she had never been able to communicate with her son. For some reason, his verbal skills had always been delayed. When he got into school, they tested him as having the verbal skills of a 3-year old. She said for the longest time he could never communicate with her. She was frustrated as a parent because she wanted him to talk to her. She wanted him to be able to tell her what was wrong, but he simply couldn't verbally communicate.

Since he has been in the After-School Academy, she explained, his verbal skills have increased dramatically! She told me that his teacher was now thinking about moving him on up to the first grade (which, I'm guessing, is where he is supposed to be age-wise). They will be testing him for learning disabilities just to make sure he is developmentally ready. She thanked me several times for our program and for what it has done for her and her child.

I invited her to our Parent Academy that evening, but she explained she was just there to pick David up so she could run him over to his speech therapy place before she went off to school. Ms. Martin is working on her basics and preparing for nursing school. She is hoping to transfer to TWU in the fall in order to complete her degree.

Days like these encourage, inspire, and challenge me. It is because of and for Ms. Martin that I will go back to my office and continue to work on my to do list and figure out ways for us to measure our progress so that we can continue to exist.

If you would like to help make sure we can continue to exist, please consider donating to our Children's Education programs at this link: http://www.centraldallasministries.org/donate/index.htm (be sure "Children's Education" is designated)

Engaged parents

My to-do list never seems to end. Sometimes I have to realize my workload will never go away no matter how hard I try and recognize visiting the programs are sometimes the best thing I can do.

At lunchtime, I decided to check out our LOL (Ladies Oxygen Luncheon) led by Dr. Rhonda, a pediatrician in our clinic. LOL is an opportunity for current, future, and seasoned parents to come together and talk about different parenting and relationship issues. The number and variety of women at the luncheon were impressive--a young mother, pregnant with her 3rd...a couple of mother/daughter pairs...grandparents. Some parents came on their lunch breaks. I was encouraged by the attendance. Our CEO once told me, "people vote with their feet." It seems to me the parents in our community are voting.

Play Connection, an interactive support group on play for parents and children, met this evening. Though a smaller number of parents came, their engagement was energizing! When I arrived, Joshua was saying his "cloud" was when he didn't get to play with his daddy. His "sun" was when he did. At Play Connection, the kids get to play and interact with their parents. Parents and kids work together to create activities together out of very easily accessible materials. The energy in the room was contagious!


When one person said, "Great job!" to a child, other parents followed. Clapping, compliments, and celebrations were in abundance. I heard more "excuse me's" and "I'm sorry" from the kids when talking to each other. The smiles tell the story. 


The homework assignment given to the parents when they left? "Play with your kids for 30 minutes this week." After this evening, I don't think that will be a problem.

Nurturing youth to create their own "Flow"

The after-school programs touted as "successful" are often the ones who claim to create leaps and bounds in academic achievement and have figured out a way to prove their claims. I, too, have always thought our After-School Academy students' scores increase as a result of being in our programs, but instead of emulating schools to achieve this, I tend to strive toward creating programming that involves a lot of learning, without all of the drilling on individual skills that seems to be typical of a lot of schools these days.

Over the last few years, I've decided that we are much more like a parent than a school. But the other thing I've decided is that parents are educators in a much more meaningful way, oftentimes, than the schools. As a parent, you can teach your child math skills by opening a checking account. You teach them the value of nutrition, budgeting money, math skills, and the importance of following instructions by cooking with them. You can teach good sportsmanship, taking turns, math and reading skills, and so much more by playing board games with them. Life has so many practical lessons. Maybe that's why home schooling has become so popular with some parents.

So, when Terrence told me about the middle school boys who have now captured his heart, I was reminded all over again.

Evidently, these middle school boys have wreaked havoc in the past. They were throwing rocks at the windows in Teen U when Terrence first caught them. After using a bit of reverse psychology on them, the boys continued to return to the Teen U on a regular basis. They would usually hang out there long enough to create trouble and get kicked out for the day. However, Terrence noticed their obvious interest and began to capitalize on that. Last week, he created a special program for them on Saturday mornings and told them to show up at 10:00 a.m. Nine showed up on time and ready to find out about their new opportunities.

As Terrence explained to me how he connected with the boys--encouraging some, dismissing two (with the knowledge that they could return next week *if* they followed the rules), and letting a latecomer know he had to get up earlier if he wanted to be a part of something cool--I thought about parenting again.

Kids want to be a part of something. They want people to expect things of them. And they want their brain to be stimulated.

We all need to be stimulated. We need to have things that interest us so much that we lose track of time while doing them. We need to have a purpose so that the things we do have meaning. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi addresses this in his book, Flow. He poses that how parents interact with a child has a lasting effect on the kind of person that child becomes.

To help them create their own "flow," he suggests kids need:

• Clarity--knowing what is expected of them
• Centering--a perception that parents are interested in what they are currently doing, their thoughts, and their feelings
• Choice--possibilities and options...including breaking rules and knowing they face consequences for their actions
• Commitment--trust that allows the child to get involved in and interested in something unselfconsciously
• Challenge--dedication to provide increasingly complex opportunities

The Education programs provide that...sometimes to augment what parents are already doing...other times to step in where parents can't, don't, or don't know how.

More and more, I hope that we see our students grow...not just to become college graduates or "successful" business people, but to be people who know their purpose and have a intrinsic ambition to work toward their goals.

Those who have a "why" to live, can bear with almost any "how." Friedrich Nietzsche

Where should I enroll my child?

An article in the New York Times finds that the gap between urban and suburban graduations rates is astounding.

"...the average high school graduation rate in the nation’s 50 largest cities was 53 percent, compared with 71 percent in the suburbs."

So, if you had a choice, where would you want your child?

Problem is, most low-income parents don't have that choice.

Housing developments and low-income housing are usually concentrated in the city. Even if they weren't, it's often harder for families to choose to move to suburban areas due to their lack of transportation.

I hear a lot of judgment in our urban communities by people outside of the communities about what parents should/shouldn't be doing. But let me challenge that thinking.


If a parent has gone through an urban school, they are likely one of the statistics cited above. If they are one of the statistics that came out of the failed urban school systems, they likely don't have a level of education that allows them to move into high level jobs that would pay better, create benefits that would allow them to take paid vacation days to see to the needs of their child, and provide healthcare for them and their children that would create a healthier home.

A lower level of education also probably means that they may not be able to help their children with their academic needs...and are often embarrassed to admit this to their children, the school, or other people who may be able to help.

Going on these statistics, an average of 47% *did* graduate. Graduating doesn't always mean academically prepared. I know many people who have graduated from urban schools, yet still can't read or write. I can think of at least four right now. So, although there may be a 47% graduation rate, even less may be prepared to be successful in the workplace.

The majority of parents I've met are trying.

Unfortunately, they are stuck in a system that isn't providing them or their children a way out.

We can blame the parents for their parenting skills, their inability to help their children, their unwillingness to attend our meetings. But blame gets us nowhere. What are we doing to help the children? What are we doing to help ensure the next generation is able to be different?

"Blaming others conveniently lets us off the hook." ~Jawanza Kunjufu

Changing the face of education

After reading the How many billionaires does it take to fix a school system, I began thinking...

If someone gave me $2 billion to fix the schools, how would I suggest it be used?

First of all, $2 billion is peanuts compared to what it would take to reform our school system...but I think the decision to invest in the education system and change it to become more effective can happen as a result of people making decisions to invest their money. ...but I think they need to do it differently than has been done in the past.

To use $2 billion for new "programs" is not productive and will not change the system long term. If we're talking "programs," I would love to see more efforts put into college and post-secondary preparation, financial literacy, more openings for preschool, and ensuring children (even the most "problem" children) get the help they need so that they can learn to reading, 'riting, and 'rithmetic before they get so far behind that they can't catch up.

But I have a different idea.

Hire parents to be "think tanks" and implementers.

Pay a core group of parents to be in the schools. Hire them to be community organizers. Talk to them. Seek understanding of the realities of their community...their kids' lives...their access to resources. Work *with* them to come up with solutions. Create job descriptions, train them and expect of them just as you would other staff members.

We hear the research all the time. Parents are vital to the success of their children. I've even read research that says when parents...even of other children within the school...are involved, performance of all children increases.

Our world has changed over the last 30 years. There are more single parents...more parents who have to work longer hours...more parents who have a hard time taking off during the day to have a parent-teacher conference, deliver items to the school, or show up at PTA meetings.

Parents are perfect connectors to the community. They know the kids. They know the parents. They know the realities of what is feasible and what isn't. They know the excuses, but they also know what isn't an excuse and what is real. They have expections. They know what they (and others) want for their children.

Parents are valuable. We need them. And many of them are working in jobs that don't allow them to be involved. Other parents aren't involved because of their own fears or intimidation of the school system due to them having the same type of experiences their kids are having.

Our schools cannot be left up to the millionaires and billionaires to decide what's best. No matter how much "experience" they have with running successful businesses or investing their money. The realities of our low-income, low-performing schools face are much different than the realities of billionaires.

The answers...and the capacity...lie in the communities where the public schools exist and from the people whose children attend there.

Taking time to listen to parents

The following opinion column was brought to my attention recently:
We have to tackle education's urban crisis

Here is my commentary to Ms. Creighton's opinion:
Contrary to Ms. Creighton’s belief, at the Turner Courts housing development in South Dallas, it became clear to me that parents cared about their children as nine out of the twenty-one families (including two fathers) of our After-School Academy filed in for the monthly parent meeting. (One parent who usually attends was at the emergency room with her son; another, who is pregnant, is on doctor-ordered bed rest. Four others had never missed a meeting before this evening and continue to be in constant contact with us as they utilize our computer lab during the day, pick up their children, attend a job skills program we are offering, or simply speak when we see each other in the neighborhood.)

During the meeting, the After-School Academy coordinator Wyshina Harris, a parent and a former resident of Turner Courts, started the meeting off with reminders, then moved on to discuss an experience she had at her daughter’s middle school where her daughter was sent home for wearing brown knee socks and brown plaid shoes with her khaki pants and white shirt uniform. Her 11-year old daughter was accused of dressing like she was “going to the club” by one of her teachers. Wyshina explained that she had used the internet, available at the After-School Academy, to figure out how the official dress code (which does not mention the color of socks or shoes a child must wear) and then register a complaint against the school for being more concerned about her child’s socks and shoes than her education and against the teacher for making an inappropriate comment to her child.

Wyshina went on to explain hers and Sylvia’s frustration with the local elementary school when they tried to visit. She explained that the school has called both of them several times for discipline issues related to their boys, but when they went to visit unexpectedly in hopes of checking in on their children, they were told they needed an appointment. Wyshina used the internet, once again, to go online and fill out a volunteer application. Since the school would not allow her in as a parent, she decided volunteer so that they have to let her in. For the parents who don’t work during the day or work in a flexible job like she does, she encouraged other parents to do the same.

Sylvia shared another experience she has been having, explaining that last year she visited the school to get her son tested so that she could know how to help him. After visiting the school weekly for two months, they finally did test him, diagnosing him with ADHD. She took him to the school health services building to see a counselor two times a week until the summer when the counselor’s schedule did not work with her own. She then found out that the counselor had moved to a different center. She believes she must now go through another referral process to get him back in. However, her frustration also lies in the fact that despite his behavior issues, his teacher assured Sylvia performance was not a concern. However, after receiving his Iowa Test of Basic Skills (ITBS) in October of this year, at which he scored “below average” in every subject, she is now being asked by his current teacher why she didn’t hold him back a year.

These testimonies prompted other similar stories—positive and negative. All nodded when a parent started talking about her fear and concern about living in the “projects.” Parents began describing how they had made the best of the situation by keeping their children indoors until they found ways to get involved in a way that was safe for their family. One lady coaches cheerleading in the community and has a high school son preparing for college. Another parent explained how she wanted the best for her kids as well and asked for information about how to enroll in GED so that she can eventually go into the field of nursing. One parent took Sylvia up on her offer to enroll in a job skills class that will be offered in the community. Resources were offered and connections were made.

The meeting that was scheduled for one hour went 15 minutes over.

What’s the difference between Turner Courts, Flower Mound, and Shelby’s freshman biology class? After talking to a number of parents who live in the inner city (those who attend the meetings and those who don’t), the problem I find is that their voice is often disregarded. When they do make attempts to be involved, they must jump through hoops and often must miss hourly-wage work. Getting their child the help s/he needs is exhausting and, despite their attempts, often futile. A learned helplessness often results.

We need to celebrate the ambition of these parents who continue to do what they can to get their child the help they need, despite the disparaging remarks of people who have never taken the time to get to know the families, their situations, and the obstacles they have to overcome on a daily basis.

In the midst of struggle

I don't have answers. I don't have solutions. I don't know if the decisions I make result in positive, negative, or neutral outcomes.

I hope.

I pray.

I struggle with my decisions.

My head hurts....my heart hurts.

What is the best way to deal with a 12-year old (and some accomplices) who stole money out of a locked box at the After-School Academy (ASA) while the room was being used by another resident to throw a party?

All four have each been enrolled in the After-School Academy at various times throughout their life. This isn't the first time they have caused problems. But how can we help make it their last?

The good news is that one of their parents called to tell Wyshina (our ASA manager) what her son had relayed to her. She then called the parent whose son supposedly popped the lock and encouraged her to call Wyshina, which she did. It is nice to have people in the community who trust us enough to tell us what's going on. But what do we do with that information???

Do we report it to the police and press charges?...and then deal with the fact that these parents who were honest enough to call us would then be given a 30-day notice of eviction?

But if we don't report it, how much longer will these 12, 13, and 14-year old kids continue? How far will they go before they end up venturing into the wrong place, committing the wrong crime, and ending up in jail, prison, or possibly dead?? The lump rises in my throat as I write this...because it's reality here.

These types of decisions completely disable me. I sat at my desk with a blank stare. I finally left to go get a cup of coffee just so I could drive in silence and think. I came back with no answers.

God, how long do I have to cry out for help before you listen? How many times do I have to yell, "Help! Murder! Police!" before you come to the rescue? Why do you force me to look at evil, stare trouble in the face day after day?

~Habakkuk (The Message)

My heart was/is still heavy. I want to know the right thing to do.

Kudos to the parents

I often talk about the kids and how amazing they are. I still believe that. They really are amazing! But, as I attended Kashia's ballet yesterday, I was reminded that behind every great kid is often a great and dedicated parent.

For the last four or five years, Kashia's mom, Chanel, has enrolled her four children in our After-School Academy. Chanel works hard to see that her kids have every opportunity to learn new things. She makes sure they are committed. She makes sure they show up. She makes sure to attend their performances and their competitions. She makes sure her fees are paid...even when it stretches her budget.

I'm guessing there are a lot more "Chanel's" out there than we realize. I often hear schools complain because of lack of parental involvement. While I do see some parents who aren't very actively involved in their child's life, I wonder if a big part of everyone thinking that low-income parents aren't involved in their child's life has to do more with 1) our definition of parental involvement, 2) the stereotypes that we let society feed us about low-income parents, and 3) the availablility and affordablility of resources that are interesting to the kids (not TAKS tutoring!).

The longer I know Chanel, the more I find out about how much time and effort she puts into her kids...and helps out with other people's children as well. If I were to just judge Chanel on what I see on the outside, I would never have guessed that she makes sure Kashia has a ride to ballet (Chanel doesn't have a car), makes sure Kendell is entered in our chess tournaments, makes sure to purchase her child's art at the art show so she can display it on her wall at home, throws a neighborhood birthday party for each of her kids, takes care of her friend's baby while her friend is at work, and so much more.

Do people make negative judgements about you based on your surroundings and your neighborhood? Do you wish they knew more about you? Do you realize you have so much more to offer than what people expect of you?

I encourage you to get to know the "Chanel's" around you. Your life will be better because you did. I know mine is.

The capacity of parents

Call me biased, but I think our After-School Academy (ASA) is nothing short of amazing. We have four parents who completely and totally run the program.

They have expounded on the fundraiser idea to the tune of figuring out activities that raise around $120 each month. They help other parents access school and community resources. They provide a support system for each other--pooling rides to the grocery store (whoever has a car at the time), watching each others' kids, encouraging/pestering each other to get in shape and join the "walking group" they've created, and so many other things that I keep randomly finding out.

Yet, I still sense a strong resistance to parents by teachers, schools, and organizations.

At a recent workshop I attended, the presenters explained the "National Standards for Parent/Family Involvement" according to the PTA (Parent Teachers Association):

• Communication. Communication between home and school is regular, two-way, and meaningful.
• Parenting. Parenting skills are promoted and supported.
• Student learning. Parents play an integral role in student learning.
• Volunteering. Parents are welcome in school and their assistance and support are sought.
• Decision-Making & Advocacy. Parents are full partners into the decisions that affect children and families.
• Community Collaboration. Community resources are used to strengthen schools, families, and student learning.

As I listened to the workshop participants, I heard things like,

"Parents aren't involved because they work."
"Parents don't try to get to know what's going on in their child's life."
"Parents are intimidated by the schools."
"Research tells us that engaged parents have the most successful kids."
"We need to educate parents."

Nearly every person in the room commented in frustration, "We don't have parental involvement!"

#1...I think there is a big difference in "parental involvement" and "parental engagement." #2...Having parents staff our program meets every one of the PTA standards.

Hiring parents as staff can take a lot of time and effort; the parents I know are not college graduate educators. However, hiring parents helps us (and could help others) meet the PTA standards with less time, money, and resources.

1) Parents are employed by the ASA so they don't have to spend 8 hours/day at another job and then come to the ASA for yet another hour-long parent meeting. (Most of our parents are single parents. Although several come, our parents are trying to get home after work and get their kids in bed.)
2) Parents engage with each other...so they naturally spread the word about information.
3) Part of the staff's job is to get involved with the school, get to know the teachers, and gain an understanding of some of the school structures.
4) We bring in professional educators to train our staff...and thus pass along valuable information of how they can work with their children in effective ways--in academics, discipline, etc.
5) Parents go above and beyond. They work way more than their allotted hours because these are their kids!
6) Parents know what resources are available. Organizations don't always communicate well with each other. But because community residents are the target audience of every organization, they hear about all of the different programs that go on. With that information, parents can help us decide if we need to provide transportation, provide a new service, start a walking club, or whatever else they decide.

The parents I know want to know how to help their child! But time, "educationalese," and often the school's unwillingness to hear their voice, prevents them from knowing how to adequately work with their child.

Allow me to propose...Instead of recruiting from outside of the community to bring someone in to teach the kids and parents inside the community, why don't we use our natural resources and hire parents instead??